Simpsons in Labyrinth
by Snowpixie81
Summary: COMPLETE! Homer and Bart, who have been left the responsibility of babysitting Maggie, wish her away to the Labyrinth. Now, they have thirteen hours to get her back before Marge finds out what they have done. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes: This is a crossover between Simpsons and Labyrinth. The idea was rolling around in my brain for a long time, so I just had to put it down. Hope you guys will like it.  
  
Warnings: Nothing much, mostly language.  
  
Disclaimer: Simpsons and Labyrinth belong to their respective owners. I claim no right to them.  
  
Ratings: PG-13, just to be on the safe side.  
  
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Chapter 1.  
  
It was a beautiful sunny day in Springfield. The birds were singing, little children were playing, and old people were feeding small animals in the park. In Springfield Elementary, Bart Simpson was continuously looking at his watch.  
  
'Come on, two more minutes left.' He thought to himself.  
  
It was a Friday, the last day before the Spring Break started. He wanted to leave the place as soon as possible. But then again, who didn't. All the students were sitting at the edge of their seats waiting to bolt. All of a sudden, they all heard an announcement over the loud speaker.  
  
"Good Afternoon Children." Principal Skinner's voice resounded throughout the school.  
  
"In a few minutes, the school will be over. I want to tell you students to leave the premises in an orderly fashion. That means no pushing, no shoving and no yelling. That goes double for you Bart Simpson. And I want you all to have a nice..."  
  
Riiiing.  
  
"...vacation."  
  
There were loud yells of "Yesss!!" and "All right!!" heard throughout the school. The front doors opened and the throng of children spilled out like bats out of the hell.  
  
Principal Skinner was standing in the hallway, yelling at students.  
  
"Children, Children, please calm down. You will all leave the school. Just stop running."  
  
"Oh cram it Seymore. Hah!!!"  
  
Edna Krabapple scoffed at Skinner and then she too ran off towards the exit screaming "I'm freeeee!!"  
  
In approximately five minutes, the whole school was empty of students and staff. The hallway was littered with discarded papers and the desks were upturned. The water taps were left running in the bathrooms and toilet papers were all over the place.  
  
After taking a look around Principal Skinner groaned to himself. Then he caught sight of the groundskeeper.  
  
"Oh there you are Willie. Come on we've got a lot of work to do. You have to clean up the whole mess while I have to do some last minute paper work."  
  
Willie, who was dressed in a bright and colorful Hawaiin shirt and khaki shorts, looked at Skinner indignantly.  
  
"Oy, why don't you get someone else to do your dirty work for once. I'm going on a vacation with me girlfriend." Willie said in his thick Scottish accent.  
  
"Hey, hey come now Willie. We both know that's not true. There isn't a single woman in this town who would date you. Now grab your mop and bucket and start with the bathrooms." With that Principal Skinner took off towards his office.  
  
"Why you heartless bastard. Willie does have a lass. So what if she isn't the most pretties in the bunch. She's with Willie and he knows how to treat his woman." He yelled after him.  
  
"Yeah yeah." Skinner waved off-handedly. "I suggest you start soon, there is a lot to be done."  
  
"Stupid Skinner, stupid children. I'll do'em all off if I could. Constant thorns in Willie's back-side."  
  
Willie grumbled under his breath, and took off to start on his tedious job.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Mom!! We're home!!"  
  
Bart and Lisa Simpson yelled out after entering the house.  
  
"Oh, Hi kids!" Marge called out from the kitchen.  
  
"How was school today?" She asked them while they entered the kitchen. Bart went straight for the fridge and grabbed a soda. Lisa sat down on the table next to Maggie, who was happily sucking on her pacifier.  
  
"Booorring!! As usual." Bart said, taking a large gulp of his soda. "But the best part is, we have the whole week off. I am so gonna paint the town red, with Milhouse."  
  
"Oh Mom, today was a very productive day for me. My science club had a meeting today and we decided to hold a science fair tomorrow." Lisa said enthusiastically. "Now all we have to do is come up with a science project to present at the fair, by tonight. And since the science club is made up of elite members, we all agreed to participate. It's going to be so perfect. We won't have any interruptions from the bullies or troublemakers tomorrow." Lisa explained, looking pointedly in Bart's direction towards the end.  
  
"Wait a minute, wait a minute, stop the presses, hold up." Bart interrupted. "You are planning to have a science fair tomorrow, as in Saturday, as in the weekend before our vacation?"  
  
"Yes Bart, we are." Lisa answered. "I already asked Principal Skinner, and he is going to set us up in the gym. We also contacted Professor Frink today, and he agreed to be the judge and see whose project is the best. All the students' families will be there to show their support." Lisa explained and turned towards Marge.  
  
"So, what do you say Mom. Will you and Dad come to the fair tomorrow?" she asked pleadingly.  
  
"Of course we will, sweet-heart. Your father and I will be delighted to come and support you in every way. You can count on us." Marge gave Lisa a big smile.  
  
"Oh thank you thank you so much Mom." Lisa hugged her mother.  
  
"Oh ha ha ha ha!!" Bart couldn't hold it in any longer. "Oh My God, Lis. I thought you were a geek, but you proved me wrong. Today, on this day of Friday, I bow down to the Royal Geek. Mwahahahahah!!!!" Bart broke into uncontrollable laughter.  
  
"Mom!!" Lisa wailed.  
  
"Bart, you show some respect to your sister." Marge scolded her eldest child.  
  
"All right, all right. Lis, I'm happy for you that you decided to sacrifice you Saturday for the sake of science." He paused and then he broke into loud guffaws again.  
  
"Nope, can't help it. Ha ha ha ha, you are such a poindexter."  
  
Lisa, who had always been a little sensitive to Bart's teasing, looked about ready to burst into tears.  
  
"O.K. Wise Guy. Just for that, you are grounded for this weekend." Marge said to Bart. "That means, no going out to meet Milhouse, and not inviting him over to our house either."  
  
"What??!! That's not fair. Why the hell am I getting punished for?"  
  
"For hurting you sister's feelings. Just be glad that I didn't ground you for the whole week." Said Marge. "Now march yourself up to you room and think about how to be more sensitive to other people's feelings."  
  
Bart groaned loudly and stomped up the stairs.  
  
"Mom, are you sure Dad would wanna come with us tomorrow?" Lisa inquired apprehensively of her Mother.  
  
"Don't worry Lisa, we'll talk to your father tonight. And we'll definitely go to your science fair tomorrow." Marge reassured her.  
  
Now, she had to think of a way to get Homer to agree to come with them.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"And then Lenny said 'No way Man!', and Carl said 'I'm telling you dude, it really happened'. And then Mr. Smithers walked in and..."  
  
"Oh, fascinating story Homey." Homer's rants were interrupted by Marge. "Homer, our daughter has something she would like to ask you."  
  
"Really, but Maggie can't even talk yet, can she?" Homer said cluelessly.  
  
"Me Dad, I want to ask you something?" Lisa said, rubbing a hand over her eyes. "There's a science fair tomorrow and I want you and Mom to come with me."  
  
"What?! But tomorrow is Saturday. I don't wanna spend my day off chatting up with some science nerds." Homer whined rather pathetically. He got a stern look from Marge, and then he looked at the hopeful look on Lisa's face.  
  
"Oh ho ho ho, what I meant was, I'd be delighted to go. I am sure it won't be so bad. Sure I'll come, honey."  
  
"Yes!!! Thanks Dad. I'm gonna go and work on my project now." Lisa ran up the stairs.  
  
"Ha ha, you get to spend your Saturday with a bunch of geeks." Bart said to Homer in a taunting tone.  
  
"What the hell are you so happy about? Aren't you coming too?" Homer inquired.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Oh yeah, well then you are coming with us, and that's final." Homer said, while folding his arms across his chest.  
  
"No can do Homer. Mom already grounded me." He answered.  
  
"D'oh"  
  
Bart also took off to his room. Marge got up to put Maggie to bed, and Homer went to the fridge to grab himself a beer.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The next morning.  
  
"Why you little.."  
  
Bart was seen running down the stairs. Followed shortly by a very angry Homer, who was dressed in nothing but his underwear.  
  
"I'll teach you to take money from my wallet."  
  
"Ack gack ack"  
  
Homer's hands were around Bart's throat, choking him.  
  
"Ack, cough cough. If you only gave me my allowance on time, I wouldn't need to stoop to this level." Bart said, releasing his neck from Homer's clutches.  
  
"Dad!!"  
  
"Homer!!"  
  
Homer turned around to see very angry-looking Marge and Lisa.  
  
"Why aren't you dressed? I laid your clothes out for you. We're leaving in five minutes." Marge said in an angry tone.  
  
"Why, where are we going?" Homer asked, cluelessly.  
  
"Oh My God, Homer, don't you remember we promised Lisa that we'd go with her to her science fair." Marge was rubbing a hand over her eyes.  
  
"That doesn't sound like something I would say."  
  
Homer said, and then cringed at the fire that seem to be coming from both Marge and Lisa.  
  
"Mom, we have to leave now so we could get a good table." Lisa said to Marge. "I have to set up my things too, once we get there. Come on, lets just leave Dad here. I should've known he'd do something like this." She said looking sadly at her father.  
  
Homer shrank back a bit more.  
  
"I'll just go and grab my things from my room. I'll meet you by the car Mom." Lisa threw one last disappointed look at her father, and disappeared up the stairs.  
  
"You should feel very sorry for yourself, Homer." Marge now scolded her husband. "And what were you planning on doing today, huh. If breaking your daughter's heart was the first thing in your agenda, then congratulation, you did it very well." She was practically barreling down on Homer.  
  
"I was gonna go to Moe's a little later on." Homer said, looking down at the carpet. "But then I was gonna go and buy something nice for Lisa. That way, she would forget that I am an irresponsible father, and love me again." He perked up.  
  
"Oh, no you don't!!" Marge blew up. "If you think that buying your way out of this is the answer, then you have another thing coming to you Homer. You have to learn responsibility. That's why you are going to stay home today, and look after Bart and Maggie." Marge said, putting Maggie in Homer's arms.  
  
"But Maaarrrggeeee!!!" Homer wailed like a 5 year old.  
  
"End of Discussion!!"  
  
And with that, Marge slipped out of the house.  
  
Homer and Bart looked at each other, and they groaned simultaneously.  
  
Homer put Maggie in Bart's arms.  
  
"Bart, I'm your father. And as your father, I order you to put Maggie in her crib." Homer said authoritatively.  
  
"Oh man. Dad, didn't you hear what Mom said about responsibility."  
  
Homer just pointed up the stairs.  
  
"Fine, whatever. But don't you dare touch my new game Blood Thirst 2000 (1). I am coming right back to play."  
  
After Bart left with Maggie, Homer giggled and sat down on the floor. He grabbed the game console and started playing Blood Thirst 2000.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bart put Maggie down in her crib. As soon as she was put down, Maggie started crying loudly.  
  
"Aarrgh, Maggie, Quiet down!"  
  
Bart said frustratingly, but Maggie only cried louder.  
  
"What do you want? You wanna listen to some music."  
  
Bart pressed the play button on the cassette player that was lying right next to her crib.  
  
A loud, annoying and obnoxious voice came out of the speakers.  
  
"I love you You love me, We are a happy family"(2)  
  
Maggie paused in her wailing for 2 seconds, and then started back up, louder than before.  
  
"O.k. o.k. I'll turn it off."  
  
Bart turned off the radio and his eyes went to a red leather-bound book lying in her bookshelf.  
  
"Labyrinth." Bart read off the cover.  
  
Maggie had quieted down and was looking expectedly at Bart.  
  
"What, do you want me to read the book?" Bart asked Maggie.  
  
"Okey dokey, lets see." Bart opened the book and flipped through the pages.  
  
"Hmmm, Goblin King in love with a girl, yadda yadda. Girl is sick of her little brother, blah blah. Hey now this is interesting. You say the words and goblins take the baby away. Do you think it'll work when I say them?" Bart looked at Maggie.  
  
Maggie, who had noticed the dispassionate tone with which Bart was reading, had started crying again.  
  
"Oh man, does nothing shut you up!" Bart said in an exasperated tone. He had about enough. He wasn't the one who was supposed to be looking after her in the first place, that was Homer's job.  
  
"You know what Maggie, I wish the goblins would come and take you away, right now." Bart said to her and turned around. "Then maybe we'll be able to get some peace and quiet around here."  
  
He turned off the lights, and closed her door on his way out. He failed to notice that Maggie's cries had stopped abruptly, after he had uttered those words. He also didn't notice that he had closed the door to an empty room.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
TBC.  
  
1.I couldn't think up a name for the games that Bart likes to play, so I made one up. If such a game does exist, please let me know, and I'll give them credit.  
  
2. Does anybody else find Barney as annoying as I do ^_^ !!! And I figured that Maggie would hate him as well, seeing as how she is a very peculiar baby.  
  
Author's notes: So, here's the first chapter. Let me know what you think. I can take constructive criticism so please tell me if I am doing anything wrong. And please don't forget to review and let me know what you think so far. Oh, and Jareth and his Labyrinth will be in the next chapter. So until then, bye bye ^_^ 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Simpsons and Labyrinth belong to their respective owners. I do   
not own them.  
  
Warnings: May contain spoilers for Labyrinth. And umm, language ^_^  
  
Ratings: PG-13, to be on the safe side.  
  
Author's notes: A humongous thanks to Ashley Poteete for your wonderful review.   
I am glad that you like this story so far. I hope I'll be able to keep it to your   
expectations. I myself have read countless Labyrinth fan fictions, and I always   
wanted to read one where Simpsons would be involved. Since I couldn't find one,   
I made one of my own. All right, enough ramblings. Here's the next chapter.  
  
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Chapter 2.  
  
Across the realms of time and space, laid a majestic land full of magic and wonders.   
A place that was called "The Underground". Therein stood a huge castle, which was   
surrounded by a small city. Around them were miles and miles of twisted and turned   
walls and paths, that made up the Labyrinth.  
  
In the castle's throne room, which was littered with goblins of every shape and size,   
sat Jareth, the Goblin King. He was draped over his throne and was lightly tapping his   
riding crop against his thigh.  
  
All of a sudden, there was a sudden commotion that went through the goblins. Jareth   
immediately knew that another baby was about to be wished away to his Labyrinth.  
  
Jareth sat up straight and rubbed his hands on his temples in circular motions.  
  
'Don't these insolent children know that actions have consequences.' He thought to   
himself. 'When would they learn to be careful what they wish for, because sometimes   
they come true.'  
  
He was rather tired of abducting babies and have their care takers run in to save them.   
But, this condition came with being the almighty Goblin King. And he had to uphold   
this title every time. He had to make the one who wished away the baby, run the entire   
course of Labyrinth. At times, there were some people who were able to defeat the   
Labyrinth and save the child. But at other times, there were people who weren't so lucky.   
Jareth took a weary look around the throne room and observed the population of the   
goblins strewn around. Most of them were born in the underground, but there were some   
who had been turned into these filthy, vile creatures. Those who had been turned, had once   
used to be beautiful, innocent babies. They were just unlucky that their wisher-away hadn't   
been able to defeat the Labyrinth and rescue them. Jareth had hated it every time when the   
small angelic child shed his or her innocent beauty and turned into this ugly creature that was  
a goblin. But then again, this came with the position.  
  
And now, another baby had been wished away. A few of his goblins had disappeared from   
the throne room, and reappeared a few seconds later with the baby. And as always, the   
baby was brought to Jareth.  
  
Jareth took a look at the baby. She couldn't have been more than 1 year old. She was   
wearing a blue dress that exceeded her feet. She had a spiky head of hair, and was suckling   
on a pacifier loudly. She wasn't crying anymore, like she had been when the goblins had   
brought her. Rather, she was looking around her surroundings, as if measuring it up.   
  
"Hmm, Margaret Simpson. Also known as Maggie." Jareth said out loud. "I hope whoever  
wished you away has a strong will to retrieve you back."  
  
Maggie looked up at him and grabbed on to one of his hair locks that were forming his face.   
Jareth smiled softly at her, and gently extracted his hair from her tiny grip.  
  
"Well, time for me to pay a visit to your family, little one." He said to her and turned towards   
the goblins. "Take good care of her and give her some milk if she starts crying."   
  
With that, he placed Maggie on his throne, and disappeared in a shower of glitter.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Take that!"  
  
"Eat my shorts!"  
  
"Oh no you don't. I will destroy you!!"  
  
Homer, who was now fully dressed in his usual white shirt and blue pants, was happily  
engaged in the video game with Bart. They were too occupied to notice that there   
was a thunderstorm that had formed outside, and that lightening was striking the ground.   
  
"Ohhh, you are soooo gonna die Homer!" Bart said firing his bullets at Homer's chosen   
henchmen.  
  
"Oh no, gotta save my people." Homer pressed down fiercely on his controller.  
  
Then all of a sudden, their lights went out. Homer and Bart groaned out loud at this   
predicament.   
  
"What the hell happened? And just when I was about to beat you too." Homer   
complained loudly.  
  
"Oh no you weren't Dad." Answered Bart. "I think it might be a black out or something.  
Hold on, lemme go check if Flanders' lights are on." Bart started towards the window.  
  
He never got a chance to reach there because there was a presence that had popped out   
of thin air right in front of them.  
  
This strange looking man had an even stranger look about him. He had a wild mane of blonde hair.  
He had incredibly pale skin, and his eyes were of different color. He was wearing tight clothing that   
consisted of a form fitting pair of black leggings, a tight black shirt, and knee high black boots. He   
was also supporting a black cape, that seemed to be billowing in the air.  
  
"Who the hell are you, man?" Bark inquired the man.  
  
"Yeah, and how did you get into our house?" this time Homer asked.  
  
"You should know who I am Bart Simpson." Jareth ignored Homer and spoke to the boy.   
"Weren't you the one who was reading a story to Maggie. The one where the goblins would   
take away the baby if you said the right words. Well I am here to tell you that your wish has been   
granted. I have taken your sister away to my Labyrinth. She is now at my castle."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about. Maggie is upstairs, asleep in her room." Homer piped up.  
  
"Is she really? Are you sure about that?"  
  
Something in the man's tone made Bart run upstairs to check on Maggie. He came back a few   
moments later with a dismal expression.   
  
"She's not in her room." He announced.  
  
"So, what this strange man says is true then. You sent your sister away to this Barylinth." Homer   
was getting angrier by the second.  
  
"Labyrinth." Jareth corrected.  
  
"Why you little."  
  
And once again, Homer had Bart in a choke hold.  
  
"How :choke: am I :choke: going to :choke: explain this :choke: to your :choke: mother."  
  
"Ack ack gack ack"  
  
"Umm, excuse me, remember me, I am still here." Jareth, who had been ignored by Homer's   
murderous rage, spoke up.  
  
"You do have a way to get Maggie back." He informed them.  
  
To him, this family looked very interesting. Instead of wasting time offering them their dreams   
and desires, he went straight to the subject matter. After all, that is his real intention. To make   
them run through the Labyrinth.  
  
He waved his hand around, and all of a sudden all three of them were standing on a hilltop,   
over looking the vast Labyrinth. Now that they had more light, their vision became clearer.   
Homer and Bart had a better look of the man in the strange clothing.  
  
"Pssst, boy. Doesn't this man look familiar to you." Homer whispered to Bart.  
  
"What're you talking about Dad." Bart questioned.  
  
"Allow me to introduce myself, gentlemen. My name is Jareth, and I am the King of Goblins.   
You are now standing in front of my Labyrinth." Jareth spoke to the two, who were still whispering  
among themselves.  
  
"You know, doesn't he look like that has-been British rock star. You know, what's his name."   
Homer said to Bart.  
  
"Oh yeah, now that you mention it, he does look a little like him." Bart exclaimed.  
  
Jareth had heard every word that had been passed between the father and son.  
  
"I know what you two are thinking. And let me tell you that even though I may look like him,   
there is no way that I am David Bow…"  
  
"Sting! Doesn't he look like Sting." Homer said out loud.  
  
Jareth was sure if he was an anime character, he would have fallen flat on his face.   
  
"Well Mr. Sting. You better give me my baby back right now. Other wise Marge will unleash   
her wrath on me." At this point, Homer voice was quivering. "And believe me, you don't want   
to see that woman angry."  
  
Jareth looked at Homer incredulously.   
  
"Yeah, uh huh. The name is Jareth. And if you want to get Maggie back, you have to go through   
the entire Labyrinth, and get to the castle at the heart of the Labyrinth. That's where you'll find her."  
  
"No deal!" Homer said, pounding his left palm with his right fist.   
  
"Very well. If that's the way you feel, then I'll just have to keep Maggie with me, forever. And you   
get to explain to you wife how you lost your chance to save her." Jareth said, backing away about   
ready to disappear.  
  
"Uhh Dad. I don't think we have much of a choice here." Bart said looking at Jareth apprehensively.  
  
Homer, who was shaking with the thought of Marge out for his blood, finally relented.   
  
"Oh all right. Fine. What do we have to do?" he inquired.  
  
Jareth pointed to a clock that was hanging on the branches of an old, died-out tree.   
This particular clock went up to 13 hours, instead of just 12.   
  
"You'll have 13 hours in which to solve the Labyrinth. Other wise Maggie will become   
one of us forever." Jareth uttered the words that he had spoken quite a few times before.   
But the reaction that he received from this family, was something he had never encountered before.  
  
"What?!! 13 Hours!!" Homer, who had now taken a look at the vast Labyrinth, screamed.   
"This place is huge. I demand that you give us more time than that. Give it!!" Homer shook   
a fist in Jareth's direction.  
  
"Hmm, o.k. lets see." Jareth looked at the clock and waved his hand. The small hand of the   
clock moved ahead one full hour.  
  
"Now you have 12 hours to solve the Labyrinth." Jareth said amusedly.  
  
Homer's infamous fist, which had gotten him into trouble before, didn't fail him this time as well.  
  
"You monster!!"  
  
Homer was about ready to jump the Goblin King. Lucky for him, Bart had a firm hold   
on the back of his shirt.  
  
"Dad, do you want to make things worse? We already lost an hour because of your big mouth."   
  
"I suggest you listen to the boy and start your journey." Jareth said backing away. "You have a   
long way ahead of you. Such a pity." And with that, he disappeared out of sight.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jareth reappeared in his castle a few seconds later. He found Maggie asleep on this throne,   
snoring softly around her pacifier.  
  
He gently picked her up and placed her in his lap. He then conjured up a crystal from thin air   
and looked inside to see what the Simpson men were up to. He had never encountered such   
a peculiar family. Usually when he made an appearance in people's houses, they cowered in   
front of him. They would get intimidated by his presence. But this family had paid him little regard,   
let alone be afraid of him. He was rather amused by their antics. Oh, he was going to keep an eye   
on them for the entire duration of their stay. Oh yes he was.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Well boy, its your call." Homer said to Bart. "Since you were the genius who made this happen,   
I say you go through the Ralybinth and get Maggie back."   
  
Homer stretched his arms over his head and crouched down in front of the tree, with his back   
resting against the trunk.   
  
"I'm just gonna take a nap here."  
  
"It's Labyrinth. And oh no you don't." Bart exclaimed. "Don't you dare blame this on me.   
I wasn't even the one who was supposed to be taking care of Maggie in the first place. You are   
going to come with me and get her back. Plus, it will teach you about responsibility."  
  
Bart wasn't about to let Homer off the hook for this one.   
  
"Ohh, but this place is so huge." Homer who had stood back up, stomped his feet.  
  
"Let's go!"   
  
Bart started towards the bottom of the hill, ignoring Homer's remark. They both walked towards   
the outer walls of the Labyrinth. When the reached the bottom of the hill, they found a small pond off   
to the side. They also found a dwarf, who was busy relieving himself in that pond.  
  
"Oh!! So that's where you go to take a leek. I'm about to burst here." Homer exclaimed and   
ran towards the pond.  
  
The dwarf, who had been startled when he heard Homer's voice, backed away. He was a short   
little creature, in tattered clothing. He had a small pouch tied on the side of his shirt. He had a   
large head, on his small body. He was looking incredulously in Homer's direction.  
  
Ziiip. Homer unzipped his pants and proceeded to do his business.  
  
"Oh, oh, ohhhhh that feels good." He proclaimed. "Oh yeah, almost done. No. Ohhh yeah."  
  
The dwarf now turned towards the boy who was rubbing a hand over his eyes in exasperation.  
  
"Oh man. It's such an embarrassment to be seen with you, Homer."  
  
The boy said to the man, who was now finished with his business.  
  
"Who is you?" The dwarf asked this strange company.  
  
"I'm Homer Simpson. And this is my son Bart." Homer answered. "And who are you?"  
  
"I's Hoggle. I's the exterminator here. It's me job to take care of pesky little creatures." He   
answered them, and picked up a spray bottle from the ground. "Did ye wish away a baby?"  
  
"Yeah. The boy here wished away his sister. And the Sting guy told us that we have to go through   
the Larybinth to get her back." Homer answered.  
  
"Larybinth? Eh, close enough." Shrugged Bart.  
  
"The Sting guy? Oh do you mean Jareth?" Hoggle inquired.   
  
"Yeah, him." Homer answered growling.  
  
"Oh yeah, he's conniving guy, that one. And youse better watch out for his traps. He'll try   
to trick ya once yer in there. And lemme tell ya, he does na' like ta lose. So you watch   
youselves." Hoggle told them and started spraying the little winged creatures that were   
flying around. :spray: 85…..:spray: 86…….  
  
"Hmm, tricks eh. No matter. I work at a Nuclear Plant back home. And that means   
that I am pretty damn smart. Too smart to fall for the Sting guy's tricks." Homer said   
pointing to his head. He then noticed the small fairies and ran after them, giggling madly.  
  
"We are so doomed!" said Bart.  
  
"Hey look Bart. Little naked fairy. Look, look look look. Eheheheheheeee." Homer giggled   
again, holding a fairy by her wings.   
  
The fairy, who hadn't liked being captured, proceeded to bite Homer's finger.  
  
"Ahhhhh!" he screamed. "Stupid naked fairy. You go squish now!!" and he proceeded to   
smash the little creature between his palms, with a slap.  
  
"Umm Hoggle, do you know how we can enter the Labyrinth." Bart inquired of the dwarf.  
  
Hoggle, who had been rendered speechless observing Homer, snapped out of his stupor.   
  
"Yeah, since you asked the right question the first time, I'll tell ya. You enter through that door.   
It's right over………."  
  
"Ohahhhhh" Homer was charging towards the majestic doors, head first.  
  
"Owwwwww!!!" his collision with the gigantic gate hadn't budged it an inch.   
  
He was now sitting on the ground, scratching his head, and blinking stupidly.  
  
"…….there."  
  
Hoggle pointed at the doors and they opened inwards. He shook his head unbelievably, looking at Homer.   
  
"Good luck to ya both." Hoggle said. "I's sure you'll be needin' it."  
  
"Yeah thanks for your help. Come on Dad."  
  
Bart helped Homer to his feet, and they both entered the Labyrinth. The giant gate closed behind them   
with a resounding thud.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
TBC.  
  
Author's notes: Here's chapter 2. I tried to add the element of humor as much as I could.   
Hope you all will like it. Oh, and I made Jareth out to be a good guy. Well, I love him too   
much to make him out to be evil. Plus, in my point of view, he is actually a good guy, who   
is forced to play a bad guy in front of others. In the movie Labyrinth, its evident how he   
cared for Toby. So, I made him a good person at heart. Please read and review. And   
you can offer constructive criticism if you like. Til' next time bye ^_^ 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's notes: Oh My God!!! Thank you soooo much to everyone who has reviewed   
^____^ you guys are the best :D :D :D. I had really needed a boost to my ego.   
  
Ebonezer: I am so honored that you added me to your favorite list, thank you soooo   
much ^_^. And thanks for the wonderful review.  
  
a-Leng: I am glad you like this story. I know I am having difficulty keeping Bart in character _   
I guess its because my most favorite character is Homer, and I can write him much better. But don't   
worry, I'll try my best to bring Bart more in-character ^_^  
  
Farhan, Tifa Almasy, Theophanie: You guys are the best ^____^ Thank you for your kind   
words, and support.   
  
Superstar: "Groening Jr." Oh My God, I think that is the best compliment anyone has ever   
given me. Thank you soooo much. ^_^   
  
All right, enough of the ramblings. Go on, read the next chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: The Simpsons and Labyrinth belong to their respective owners. I claim no right to them.   
  
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Violet Bunny's favorite quotes, from The Simpsons, of the day:  
  
Episode: AABF21. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO CRITICIZE DINNER  
  
"Homer's first review…gets reviewed"  
  
Lifeways Editor: This is a joke right? I mean, this is the stupidest thing I've ever read.  
  
Homer: What's wrong with it?  
  
Editor: Well, you keep using words like "pasghetti" and "momatoes"; you make numerous   
threatening references to the U.N.; and at the end, you repeat the words (scratching his head)   
"screw Flanders" over and over again.  
  
Homer: Oh. It's so hard to get to 500 words.  
  
=.=.=.=.=.=.  
  
"Marge's Musing"  
  
Only your father could take a part-time job at a small town paper and wind up the target of   
international assassins.   
  
=.=.=.=.=.=.  
  
*Just a little something I wanted to share with you guys. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.   
Bunny Chan ^_^*  
  
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Chapter 3.   
  
*Huff huff gasp cough*  
  
Homer was hyperventilating. He was bent over with both his hands resting on his knees, and was breathing hard.   
He looked up at the narrow but long, never-ending, expanse of the Labyrinth, which laid out in front of him. He   
looked around himself and saw that Bart was missing.   
  
'He couldn't have been that fast.' Homer thought to himself.  
  
"BAAARRRTTTT. WHERE ARE YOU??!!"  
  
Homer yelled out into the empty space.   
  
"I'm right here Dad."  
  
Homer heard Bart's voice and squinted his eyes. When he couldn't find him anywhere he called out again.  
  
"BART. I can't SEE you. Come CLOSER."  
  
"Umm, Dad. Turn around."  
  
Homer turned around and found Bart. He was standing just a few feet away from the doors, through which they had entered.   
Suffice it to say, Homer had ran full speed for a few seconds, and had lost his breath.  
  
"Aaarrrgghh. I felt like I'd been running for hours." He complained loudly.  
  
"Well, all right" Bart said, walking towards Homer. "Lets go Home-boy. This Labyrinth isn't going to solve itself."  
  
They both started down the path. They passed the moss-covered walls. They maneuvered their way through the fallen logs   
on the ground. They walked and ducked under the tree braches, growing from within the walls.   
  
"How long do we have to walk? Why aren't there any turns or corners in this place?" Homer spoke up, after walking quietly   
for a short period.  
  
"Just keep walking Dad." Bart dismissed his father.  
  
"Oh, but I'm starving. Do you think we'll be able to find something to eat around here." Homer spoke with his stomach growling.  
  
"Maybe we could find something to chow-down up ahead. Come on, pick up the pace." Bart noticed his father starting to   
slow down.   
  
They walked in silence again for sometime. While walking, Bart noticed a small colorful object up ahead. He walked towards it, when   
he heard a commotion from behind. Homer had lost it. He was kicking and punching at the walls.  
  
"Yaarrgghhh!! This stupid :kick: path is :punch: never going :kickpunch: to end. Aaahhhh what kind of :kick: stupid place :punch: is this."  
  
"Cool your jets Homer." Bart, who was used to Homer's temper tantrums, called out without looking behind him.  
  
"Come on. I found something up ahead. Lets take a look."  
  
"Listen Boy. If it isn't something I can eat or drink, then I'm not interested." Homer said folding his arms over his chest.  
  
Bart, by then, had crouched down to look closely at the thing. It turned out to be a small colorful worm. He turned his head in Bart's   
direction, once he sat down.  
  
"'ello" said the worm.  
  
"Did you just say hello?" Bart asked him.  
  
"Nope, I said 'ello…ohhh."  
  
Homer had picked up the worm by the middle and was directing him towards his mouth.   
  
"'elp! 'elp!" the little creature cried out.  
  
Bart quickly snatched the worm out of Homer's hand, before it could be devoured. He gave Homer an incredulous look.  
  
"What??!!" Homer asked. "In some cultures, worms are considered a delicacy."  
  
:Homer's thought bubble.  
  
A giant house is seen, with a big lush garden. Two people are sitting on the patio, drinking tea. The man is dressed in a tuxedo,   
and the woman is dressed in a gown, and lots of jewelry.  
  
Man (with a thick British accent): Would you like more worms with your croissants, my dear?  
  
Woman (with the similar accent): Why, I would be delighted.  
  
The man picks up a few, squirming worms with a tong, and puts it on the woman's plate. She proceeds to eat them, by slurping   
them up, like spaghetti.   
  
End thought bubble.:  
  
"Hmmmm, wormalicious. Aaghuuhhuhh (drooling noise ^_^)"  
  
"You are an idiot Homer." Bart snapped him out of his day dreams. "This thing talks. Maybe we could ask it some questions."   
Bart said, waving the worm in Homer's direction. He then put the worm back down.  
  
By now, the worm had started swaying slightly.   
  
"Hey little guy. Could you tell us the way out of this place. We're trying to get to the castle." Bart asked, once the worm had   
steadied a bit.  
  
The worm just wanted to tell them to go through the hole in the wall. But, he had to uphold his duty of trying to distract them   
from their journey.  
  
"W…wou…would you like t…to come in for a n…n…nice spot of t..te…tea?" He asked them, still a little shook up, from his   
impending doom.  
  
"We are not interested in your tea." Homer answered. "Just tell us how to get out of this damn place. Unless you got some   
beer, then we're talking."  
  
"No beer, sir." Said the worm, cowering slightly.  
  
"Well, then just tell us the way out."   
  
"Well sir, this place is full of openings. You just have to look for them. As a matter of fact, there is an opening in the wall right in front   
of you." The little worm informed them.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about? It's a solid wall." Homer exclaimed.  
  
"You have to understand sir, that in this place, nothing is as it seems." The worm said. "Go ahead, walk towards it. You'll go   
right through."  
  
"Hmm, you better be telling the truth."  
  
Homer walked towards the wall, and….:thonk:, he bumped into the solid stones.  
  
"D'oh!"  
  
"Why you little….you said there was an opening here." Homer bared his teeth and walked right up to the worm.  
  
"Umm, a little to your left, sir." The worm cringed back, from the close proximity of Homer's face.  
  
"Stand back Dad. Let me give it a try."  
  
Bart walked towards the wall, and stepped right through. He disappeared behind the wall.   
  
"O.K. so where were we." Homer said, once Bart had gone. "Oh yeah, we were talking about the probability of you giving   
me a beer."  
  
"I already told you sir, I don't have any alcohol."  
  
"Hmm, well then, the only thing left for me to do is eat you."  
  
Homer extended his arm towards the quickly retreating worm. He almost had a hold on the poor creature, when an arm shot   
out of the wall, grabbed Homer and pulled him through.  
  
"What the hell are you waiting for Dad, lets go."   
  
Needless to say, the worm had heaved a huge sigh of relief.  
  
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Homer and Bart reappeared at the stone-hedge maze. They walked their way around many of the twists and turns. They continued   
walking for quiet some time. And then, Homer felt like he'd had enough.  
  
"I hate this goddamn place." He cried out. "Why the hell am I stuck doing this. I could be home right now, drinking beer and   
watching T.V."  
  
He then turned towards Bart.  
  
"This is all your fault. So many T.V. shows going unwatched, so many beers sitting away in the fridge. Ohhh, ho ho ho" By the end,   
Homer was practically weeping.   
  
Bart ignored his ranting and made another left turn.  
  
"Oh My God, there is no end to this place, is there." Homer cried out again after a few more minutes. All of a sudden his eyes lit up,   
and he turned towards Bart.  
  
"Hey Boy, I've got a plan. Why don't we ask that Sting guy to send us home. We can get another baby girl from the orphanage.   
We could dress her up in Maggie's clothes and give her Maggie's haircut. Marge will never know the difference." Homer said smiling   
widely, as if that was the best plan he'd had come up with.  
  
Bart heaved a huge sigh.  
  
"Listen Homer, you might be dumb enough to fall for something like this but not Mom. Next to Lisa, she's the smartest person in the house."   
  
"I know. I was just trying to cheer myself up." Homer smile had faltered, replaced with a sad, dejected expression. There was another turn   
coming up ahead of them.  
  
"I hate to do this as much as you do Dad, but think about Magg…oomph"  
  
Bart, while turning around the corner, had bumped into a body and had fallen backwards. He looked up to see who he had bumped   
into and found….  
  
"Grampa!!!"  
  
"Dad? What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
Homer walked up to Grampa, who was standing there scratching his head and looking around.  
  
"Ohhh, there you guys are. I've been looking all over for you."  
  
"Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold up." Homer piped up. "How did you get here?"  
  
"Well, it all started when I went to your house this morning…..  
  
:Flashback….  
  
Grampa is seen entering the Simpsons household. It's still dark and there are no noises indicating that someone's home.  
  
"Helllooooo!!"  
  
Grampa called out.  
  
"Is anyone here? You all better not be hiding in the basement like last time."  
  
Grampa saw someone seated on the couch.  
  
"Oh, there you are Homer. Why are the lights out? Did you forget to pay the electricity bill again?"  
  
At that moment, the lights came back on. Grampa squinted his eyes and looked down at "Homer".   
  
"Che uuh. Hey! You're not Homer. You're Randy Little Humper, or something." Yes, it was Santa's Little Helper, sitting on   
Homer's spot.  
  
"Where the hell is everyone? Hello, what's this?"  
  
Grampa noticed a swirling portal in the middle of the living room. He walked towards it to take a closer look.   
  
"Looks like a gateway to another world. If I step through, I could possibly end up killing myself." He thought for a   
moment and shrugged.  
  
"Eh well. I've had a sufficient enough life." And he walked through….  
  
……only to end up right in front of Jareth's castle in the goblin city.  
  
He looked around himself and walked right into the castle. He heard giggles coming from a side and walked in that direction.  
  
"That sounds like Maggie."  
  
Grampa walked into the throne room and found Maggie sitting on someone's lap. He walked up to that person, and snatched   
Maggie from their arm.  
  
"Give her here. This is my granddaughter. What are you doing with her you….." Grampa took a look at Maggie's captor  
"….beautiful young creature."  
  
Jareth had been startled slightly when Grampa took Maggie from his arms. His eyes widened slightly when the old man complimented him.   
He took Maggie from him, and placed her on the throne, and stood up.  
  
"O.K. O.K. if you want to keep Maggie, I will let you keep her, young lady. On the terms that you agree to marry me, or at least allow   
me to serenade you." Grampa had mistook Jareth's long hair, and soft feminine features for a girl's.  
  
"Sir, let me inform you that I will keep Maggie with me, regardless of what you say. Secondly, I am NOT a woman. My name is Jareth,   
I am the king of Goblins."  
  
"Ohhh, that's just my luck. I either fall for really old hags, or girly looking boys." Grampa wailed loudly.  
  
He took a look at Jareth again.  
  
"Oh, who am I kidding. I still want to marry you, and I can overlook the fact that you are a boy. If you can ignore that I'm sixty,   
have been married twice, have made numerous threats to government officials and have the FBI, and CIA out for my blood." Grampa   
was clinging on to Jareth's arm, looking up at him with moony eyes. Jareth's left eye had started twitching madly.  
  
"Come on, what do you say. I will never be able to find a girl as beautiful as you. And I'm pretty sure you're gay, with these tight   
clothes and all this make-up. Huh, what do you say, huh?"  
  
Jareth's eyes had widened full blown. The mismatched irises were nothing but small dots. He looked down at Grampa and said   
in an eerily calm voice.   
  
"O.K. this is what I'll do."  
  
The outer doors of the castle banged open and two goblins were seen throwing out Grampa.   
  
"Aaahhhh!! Maybe we could discuss it a bit moooooorrrrreee!!"  
  
:Thud:  
  
Grampa had bumped into, and fallen against the wall. The castle doors closed in a hurry, and sounds of many locks and latches   
going into places, were heard clearly.  
  
…….end flashback:  
  
……..and that's when I walked through the wall and ended up in this god forsaken place. Dah, hey, where're you going?"  
  
At the end of his tale, Grampa looked up to see Homer and Bart resuming their walk around the stone hedge.  
  
"Hey, wait for me." Grampa scurried after them.  
  
"Dad, come on. Go home or something. We don't want you slowing us down." Homer said to his father.  
  
"But you guys don't have to walk so much. I know a short-cut. All you have to do is go back into the hole in the wall and ……….:snore:"  
  
Homer had pressed a vein in Grampa's neck, who was now laying on the floor, snoring loudly.  
  
"Phew. Thank God that shut him up. Blah blah blah, that's all he ever says. Lets go boy."  
  
They both started walking away when Bart suddenly stopped. He came back towards the comatose Grampa, and took his wallet   
out from his back pocket.  
  
"Eh, we might need it later on." He shrugged towards Homer.  
  
"Good thinking boy."   
  
'Ooh, why didn't I think of that.' Homer groaned mentally.  
  
They again walked for quiet some time. They took another turn and came face to face with two doors. But, what was standing in front   
of the doors was what caught their attention. There were two creatures guarding the doors, that looked like they came straight from a   
deck of cards. There were funny looking old men peeking out from the top and bottom of the cards. The faces on the bottom were   
upside down.  
  
"Finally we're getting somewhere." Homer exclaimed.  
  
"Hey weirdos. We need to get to the castle. Which door do we have to take?" Bart asked the card people guarding the doors.  
  
"Yeah. You have no idea how long we've been walking. This place just doesn't seem to end." Said Homer.  
  
The people behind the cards started speaking. But, they were speaking by taking turns.   
  
"What you have to understand is…." Spoke the one, on the top left.  
  
"That nothing is at it seems…." This time, the one on the bottom left talked.  
  
"You may have walked a path…." Said the top right one.  
  
"On which you roamed before." Finished the one on the bottom right.  
  
"What??!!" Bart exclaimed.   
  
"What the hell are they saying?" Homer asked cluelessly.  
  
Bart's fingered clenched into a tight fist. He turned towards his father.  
  
"Well Homer, what they are saying is that we've been walking around in circles."  
  
"But that's impossible." Homer cried out.  
  
"In this Labyrinth….." Spoke the one on the top left.  
  
"Nothing is impossible…..." Said the one on bottom left.  
  
"If you need more evidence….." Said the top right one.  
  
"Then take a look behind you." Once again, the bottom right one finished.  
  
Homer and Bart looked behind them. They expected to see the opening through which they had just walked.   
What they found was a solid wall, indicating a dead end.  
  
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Back at the castle, Jareth was swinging Maggie in the air and catching her. She was emitting joyful cries and squealing   
with delight.   
  
All of a sudden, there was a gust of wind that blew Jareth's hair off his face. The goblins had all quieted down when they   
heard a sound echoing off the walls.  
  
"DOOOHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Back at the doors.  
  
"Why you little…."  
  
Homer had one of the top doormen in his clutches and was squeezing his scrawny neck for all he was worth.  
  
"I am :choke: so tired :choke: of this :choke: stupid place : choke:"  
  
The doorman was turning blue in the face.  
  
"Oy, oy :gasp: let me go :ack:"  
  
"Homer, Homer, calm down."  
  
Bart managed to free the creature's neck from Homer's deadly grip.  
  
"Now, as I was asking, which door will lead us to the castle?"  
  
"You can't ask both of us…"  
  
"You can only ask one of us…"  
  
"But one of us always tells the truth…"  
  
"And one of us always tells a lie…"  
  
The doormen again took turns speaking.  
  
"Grrrrrrrr" Homer's lips were pulled back all the way, and his teeth were bared. "Why the hell is everything so   
damn difficult. Why can't anyone give a straight answer for once. I'll kill youuuu!!!" Homer lunged for the doormen   
again, but Bart stopped him in mid-step.  
  
"Stand back Dad. I got this one."  
  
Bart picked up a rock from the ground. He pulled out his sling-shot from his back pocket and loaded it up. He pointed it   
straight towards the top heads.  
  
"You see this little thing guys. This thing can cause a lot of bodily damage. I can easily take someone out with this, even if I'm   
standing far away. You can just imagine the amount of damage it will do, when I shoot it from a point-blank range."  
  
The doormen looked apprehensively at the sling-shot.  
  
"Well then, are you ready to start talking yet, or do I have to prove to you what this baby can actually do?"  
  
He stretched the sling-shot backwards.  
  
"Yeah, I've got bumps and bruises as evidence of how much this thing can hurt." Homer said, pointing towards his head.  
  
All four of the heads disappeared behind the cards. Sounds of loud whispering could be heard coming from them. They came   
back out and spoke to them.  
  
This time, it was only the one on the top right who spoke.  
  
"We have decided we'll let you go through. But we won't tell you which door will lead to the castle. You'll have to decide on your   
own which door you want to pick."  
  
Homer blew a raspberry.  
  
"Phhbbbttt, how hard can that be. O.k lets see. We'll take the one on the right, no left. No no no, we're going with the right one.   
But I do have a feeling about this left door. O.K. I've decided, we're going with the right, no left, right, left……." Homer ranted   
on with indecision.  
  
"We'll take the one on the right. Come on Dad."  
  
Bart decided for them, and stepped inside. Homer followed shortly after him. On his way in, he pulled back his arm and punched the   
doorman on the face, sending him flying towards the wall.  
  
"What the hell did you do that for?" Bart exclaimed.  
  
"I couldn't help it. Besides, we're already inside, what can those morons do to us now."  
  
After he uttered those words, the floor beneath their feet opened up, swallowing them both. They fell down the tunnel screaming all the way.   
Homer's cries could be heard echoing, as they fell deeper and deeper down the hole.  
  
"D'oh, D'oh, D'oh, D'oh….."  
  
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
TBC.  
  
Author's notes: So, what did you guys think? :D I know that Homer seems to torture every Labyrinthian creature he meets.   
Well, if you have seen the movie, you'll like what he's doing. I found it so frustrating every time these creatures distracted Sarah   
from her path, so I decided to torture them through Homer. Oh, and I couldn't help bringing in Grampa. I mean, in the series doesn't   
he show up in the oddest of places? If you want me to bring in any other character from Simpsons, let me know. I am writing this fic,   
chapter to chapter. So, if you make any suggestions, I'll try my best to incorporate them in here, somehow. It may take a lot   
of thinking -_-;;;; but I'll do it ^___^. O.K go on, review and let me know what you think. Till next time, bye bye ^_^. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.  
  
Falling down deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of the hole, Homer  
and Bart's throats were getting sore from screaming at top of their  
lungs.  
  
"Oh My God! Is this agony ever going to end?" screamed Homer.  
  
"Help!! Somebody help us!" Bart yelled out.  
  
"What do you mean help? We are helping."  
  
Homer and Bart, in their screaming frenzy, neglected to notice the fact  
that they had stopped in the middle of the long tunnel, and were now  
suspended in midair, supported by something unidentifiable.  
  
"Huh, Wahhh. What's going on?" Homer asked in his usual clueless  
manner.  
  
Both of them were held up in the air by lots of green, scaly hands that  
seemed to protrude right out of the mossy walls.  
  
"What the hell?" said Bart, noticing his surrounding. He was held up a  
little higher than where Homer was. The hands in the wall moved about  
themselves until they formed a face. The hands for the mouth moved, and  
voices were heard coming from within the walls.  
  
"So, which way do you want to go? Up or down?"  
  
"Woah, ho ho ho ho ho, this is soooo cool!" exclaimed Bart. He then  
proceeded to shove his own yellow hands right in between the green ones.  
  
"Come on, say something." He said in a whiny tone. "I wanna play too.  
Come on, come on." He kicked out his foot and hit a few hands. The  
hands on his left started forming another face.  
  
"We are the guides in this tunnel. We are not to be made fun of." The  
words were spoken in an angry tone. "You will answer our question and  
we'll let you go on your w..oomph." Bart had punched the hands that  
formed the mouth.  
  
"Hey look Dad, I am gonna give this one a 'black hand'." Bart punched  
the hand that represented the eye.  
  
"He he he he he, you get 'em boy." Homer encouraged from his spot.  
  
"Would you please sto..." Homer's fist flew out, and hit the face that  
had formed right next to him.  
  
"And I gave this one a green and blue. Waaahahahah." Homer laughed  
insanely.  
  
It seemed as though the hands had had enough. They were shifting about  
themselves, rather rapidly. Another face started to take shape, only  
this time, it was further away from Homer and Bart's vicinity.  
  
"Would you like to go up, or down? Tell us now before we take you away  
and dump you in the bog of eternal stench." The face asked furiously.  
  
"Huh, the log of whoddy whatty?" asked Homer.  
  
"Just answer!!!" the voice seemed to resonate all through the tunnel.  
  
"Well duh, we wanna go up so we can continue on the damn journey." Bart,  
who wasn't ruffled in the least by the angry tones, answered. The face  
had changed his expression to a little apprehensive one, as if not  
expecting his answer.  
  
"Yeah, send us up now." Said Homer leaning himself back, as if relaxing.  
"Come on, come on, get a move on." He whined, kicking his feet against  
the hands. "I can't keep kicking you all day. I wanna get out of here  
already." The annoying kicking continued.  
  
"Well, since you chose up, I guess we have no choice."  
  
The hands started moving about and Bart had started hauling up, from hand  
to hand. Homer, on the other hand, seemed to be having a problem. He  
wasn't even budging from his spot.  
  
"Hey, what the hell is going on? How come Bart gets to go up, and I  
don't. Haul me up, haul me up." He screamed at the appendages.  
  
All of a sudden, there was a loud cracking noise, which was quickly  
followed by several other cracking noises. Then Homer was seen plunging  
towards the bottom. The poor hands that were holding up his fat body,  
had finally given out, and were now hanging limply off the wall.  
  
Bart would've been able to get out of the tunnel without problems, if it  
wasn't for the fact that Homer had grabbed onto his legs before falling  
down.  
  
*=*=*  
  
Jareth looked apprehensively at the damage done to the "Helping Hands",  
through his crystal ball. He would most definitely have to replace the  
ones that suffered Homer and Bart's wrath.  
  
'This Homer Simpson is causing quite a lot of damage in my labyrinth.'  
Jareth thought to himself, recalling how Homer had nearly eaten the worm,  
and knocked out the guards at the door.  
  
'Maybe I'll let him know that his temper could land him in a real pickle,  
if he didn't control it.' He thought to himself and disappeared in a  
shower of glitters. Maggie continued to sleep on the throne, suckling on  
her pacifier.  
  
*=*=*  
  
Hoggle was sitting at the bottom of the oubliette, playing with his  
little trinkets. 'I's hoping those idiots have made it to the castle by  
now.' He hoped silently.  
  
All of a sudden, the light that came from the small hole in the ceiling  
was blacked out completely. He went under the small screen and looked  
up. He saw a large, screaming object falling towards him rapidly.  
  
'Oh No. Gots to get away from here.' Hoggle panicked, but he couldn't  
seem to move a muscle. He felt frozen to the spot. All of sudden, there  
was a loud yelling noise, followed by a loud thump. Hoggle cautiously  
looked up and saw a pair of legs dangling form the hole in the ceiling.  
Homer's large round belly had prevented him from falling through. Hoggle  
heaved a huge sigh of relief, and went to stand directly under the legs.  
Maybe he could find a way to help bring him down. Big Mistake. There  
was another loud yell and a sound of something colliding. And then,  
Hoggle's world went black.  
  
*=*=*  
  
"Oh, my head hurts." Groaned Homer, from his spot on the floor.  
  
"Your head? What about you butt? It looks like you took a pretty nasty  
fall." Bart inquired from his spot on Homer's stomach, which had broken  
his fall.  
  
"Surprisingly enough. The floor is rather soft."  
  
Bart got off of him and stood up to observe where they had landed. Homer  
remained on his spot. Suddenly, there was a muffled sound, which sounded  
more like painful groaning.  
  
"Uh Homer, I think maybe you're laying on something. Or someone." Bart  
said to his father, who stood up reluctantly.  
  
"Uhhh. Me head hurts... Have to kill fairies.. Filthy creatures.."  
Hoggle spoke up dazedly, once Homer had gotten off of him.  
  
"Hey look. It's that ugly little midget we met earlier." Bart said.  
  
"Son, I think they preferred to be called ugly little dwarves." Homer  
said, knowingly.  
  
"Yeah, whatever. But what the hell is he saying." Said Bart, leaning in  
closer in Hoggle's direction.  
  
"...lead them away...pretty bracelets...Sarah..Ludo not brother..ugh."  
  
"Hey, hey snap out of it." Bart said, kicking him lightly in the sides.  
  
Hoggle shook his head and got up. He looked incredulously in Homer's  
direction. In all his life, he never thought he would meet someone, who  
would surpass Ludo in bulk. But here stood Homer Simpson, the living  
breathing proof of his wrongful theory.  
  
"Hey, you helped us out before. Tell us where we are? And is there any  
food around here?" Homer asked Hoggle who still looked a little ruffled.  
  
"You's in the oubliette." Hoggle answered.  
  
"Oubliette eh." Said Homer in a knowing way. "Well, no matter, tell us  
how to get out of here."  
  
"You can't get out of here." Said Hoggle. "This here a place where you  
puts people to forge' about them."  
  
"Why you little."  
  
"Oh yeah, if that's the case, then how did you end up here. Put him down  
Dad." Bart asked of the little man, who at the moment was being shaken  
by a bigger, angrier man.  
  
Hoggle was put down roughly. He quickly picked up his little trinkets  
and pieces of jewelry that had fallen off his clothes.  
  
"Oh O.K. don't get you's shorts in a bunch." Hoggle said, walking  
towards the far wall. He picked up the piece of wood, shaped like a  
door, off the floor and put it up against the wall. The turned the knob  
and opened the door, revealing a passageway.  
  
"There ya go. Here's the blasted opening. Now hurry up and follow me."  
Hoggle said sullenly.  
  
"Geez, what's with the attitude?" Said Homer following Hoggle out the  
opening. "You'd think we did something bad to him or something."  
  
Hoggle felt incredibly tempted to just shut the door and leave those two  
to rot in the oubliette, forever. All three of them stepped out of the  
small oubliette, and into the cave-like pathway. Homer and Bart took a  
look at their new surroundings. The walls and the floor of the place  
seemed to be covered with a fine coating of shiny glitter, making the  
whole place seem brighter and appear much more lighted.  
  
"Ugh, I thought this place couldn't get any more weirder. But look at  
all this razzle dazzle. I feel like I've stepped into a very disturbed,  
glam rock fantasy world." Homer said, as they continued down the path.  
  
"Turn around!" they all heard a guttural, heavy voice that came from the  
stone faces sculpted on the walls.  
  
"Huh Wahh!!" said Homer, giving a start.  
  
"Go back!"  
  
"This is not the way!"  
  
More and more voices were heard coming from different faces.  
  
"Is nothing sacred here?" Yelled Homer. "Everything is something. And  
from what I've seen so far, they are all out to destroy me."  
  
"Oh hush you." Hoggle said. "These here's just false alarms. They are  
here to distract you from your path."  
  
"And how is that different from any other thing we've met so far? Huh?  
How? Tell me?" Homer was quickly losing his cool.  
  
"Cool your jets Homer." Bart said. "We just have to get to that damn  
castle, grab Maggie, and we'll be able to get the hell out of this  
place."  
  
"When is that going to be Bart? It doesn't look like its going to be any  
time soon? Does it look that way to you? Huh, does it?" Homer was  
starting to lose his voice.  
  
After walking some more around the twists and turns, all three of them  
noticed a small crystal sphere, rolling down the path.  
  
"Oh No," said Hoggle "Not again."  
  
"What?!!" screamed Homer. "What is it this time? What? We touch this  
ball, it explodes into thousands of pieces of sharp glass, and millions  
of tiny piranhas rain down on us, and slowly eat our flesh." Homer's  
imagination was going into overdrive. Bart was staring wide-eyed at his  
father.  
  
"Umm, not quite." Said Hoggle, timidly.  
  
The crystal object continued to roll down the path. All three of them  
followed it, albeit grudgingly.  
  
The ball rolled through an opening, and bounced by itself into a cup,  
being held by a hunched figure in a hooded cloak.  
  
"Now who the hell is this?" Bart asked.  
  
"I'll tell you who this is." Said Homer, grinding his fist in his hand.  
"This is another one of those creatures who are going to delay us. It  
was probably put here by that stupid Sting look-alike." Homer then  
grabbed the figure by the collar and proceeded to shake him violently.  
"I'll kill you, you bastard. Homer Mad!!"  
  
With Homer's violent shaking, the person's hood fell off. Revealing the  
platinum-blonde headed figure of the goblin king. His hair had become  
disarrayed and his eyes had gone wide, as if disbelieving the treatment  
they were receiving.  
  
"Uh Homer, I really think you should stop now." Bart said, looking  
apprehensively at Jareth.  
  
When the red faded away from Homer's vision, he also noticed who it was  
he was shaking at the moment. With a gulp, he let go of the collar and  
stepped back.  
  
"Oh he he he he he, I was only joking. You know I wasn't gonna hurt you  
or anything." Homer said giggling nervously. "Yet." He added under his  
breath.  
  
Jareth took a couple of calming breaths and threw off his cloak. Homer  
and Bart's eyes had gone wide when they perceived what Jareth was wearing  
underneath.  
  
He was wearing a white poet's shirt, with a billowing collar, opened all  
the way to his waist. The shirt was tucked into a pair of grey tight  
leggings, which left very little to imagination. The outfit was topped  
off by a pair of black, knee-high riding boots.  
  
"Oh for the love of God." Homer squealed loudly. "My eyes, my eyes."  
Homer covered both his eyes, and started running around in circles.  
  
"Oh ho ho ho ho ho. If I had a doubt before, it's definitely gone now."  
Said Bart. "You are so totally gay. And not just ordinary gay. You're  
more like ambiguously, super king kamehameha (1) gay."  
  
"Young man, watch your tone. I am not at all pleased with the havoc you  
and your father have been wreaking. Don't try my patience."  
  
Bart continued on, ignoring what Jareth was saying.  
  
"I mean, it's not like its still the 18th century. Mind stepping into  
the 21st century dude? I know, you should meet my Dad's boss Mr.  
Smithers. He's gay too. But he doesn't flaunt his sexuality, wearing  
horribly outdated outfits like yours."  
  
Cut to Smithers' House....  
  
Mr. Smithers is seen in his home. He's in a room where one wall is  
entirely made up of a mirror. Several pictures of Mr. Burns are adorning  
the wall. Smithers, at the moment, is wearing a salmon pink, skin tight  
button down shirt, tucked into a pair of tight bell bottom pants. His  
outfit is topped off with high platform shoes. He is currently dancing  
around, moving his hips in tune with the song "Macho Man".  
  
......End Scene.  
  
"Really, Mr. Smithers is gay? I didn't know that." Homer had stopped  
running around.  
  
"Homer my man, there are a lot of things you don't know." Bart said.  
  
Jareth's left eye was twitching again. The Simpsons men were not only  
damaging his labyrinth, they were also putting a great negative effect on  
Jareth's psychological system.  
  
"Oh for heaven's sake." Jareth said, interrupting the conversation  
between father and son. "I came here to ask you how you like my  
labyrinth so far. But I guess I don't need to know the answer to that,  
now do I."  
  
Homer was staring straight ahead into Jareth's eyes.  
  
'That's it Homer, just look into his eyes. And whatever you do, don't  
look at his crotch.' Said Homer's brain.  
  
"Uh Huh, yeah, uh huh." Homer was absent-mindedly nodding his head at  
whatever is was Jareth was saying. His left eye rolled down the socket  
and settled on the spot on Jareth's groin.  
  
"Oh God, I can't take this anymore." Homer yelled out. "Don't you think  
you can wear something a bit more decent. My son is a very  
impressionable young man. This kind of indecent exposure is not good for  
him." Homer looked at Bart, who was currently trying to mess up his  
short spiky hair, trying to make them look like Jareth's.  
  
"You see, you see. You see what you've done." Cried Homer.  
  
"O.K. that's it." Jareth had had enough. "You know I wasn't planning  
on doing this but you two leave me with no choice." Jareth brought his  
hands in front of his chest and crossed them over, producing a crystal  
ball.  
  
"Indecent exposure. How's this for exposure." He threw the crystal ball  
down into the tunnel and disappeared from sight.  
  
Bart turned in Homer's direction.  
  
"What the hell, you pissed him off again. You know Dad, it seems that  
the man has a short fuse, which goes off every time you speak to him."  
  
Homer opened his mouth to answer him when they heard a loud rumbling  
noise coming from the direction the crystal sphere was thrown in.  
  
"Uh Homer, please tell me that's your stomach that making those noises."  
  
"I wish I could tell you that son." Homer said in an eerily calm voice.  
"But right now all I can say to you is RUN!!!"  
  
Homer and Bart took off screaming down the tunnel, followed closely by  
Hoggle at their heels.  
  
Bart, while running, risked a look back at what they were running from.  
He saw many pairs of sharp objects twisting and turning within  
themselves, hurtling towards them in a great speed.  
  
"Ay caramba!!"  
  
Bart picked up the speed and ran past Homer and Hoggle. Homer also dared  
a look back and screamed in a high voice.  
  
"Oh My Jeebus. Where are you? Save me Jeebus!!"  
  
As it had happened before, with another girl, at another time, these  
folks also came to a dead end.  
  
"OOOHH, this is just PERFECT!"  
  
Homer screamed grabbing onto the bars of the locked up gate and rattling  
them loudly. Hoggle hoped to heavens that the secret opening in the wall  
was still there, and that Jareth hadn't closed it up. He put his hands  
flat over the expanse of wall and started to push in. Bart noticed what  
he was doing, and joined in. The cleaners, as was the name of the death  
object, seemed to be really closing in on them.  
  
"Help Homer!" Barth screamed to his father, who was sobbing  
uncontrollably at the iron bars.  
  
"Oh why? Why did this had to happen to me. I always thought I would go  
from this world piss drunk, driving off the edge of the cliff, in a  
blessed drunken haze. Why, why why??" The sobbing continued.  
  
Homer then turned back and noticed Bart and Hoggle giving him strange  
looks, while trying to push the wall in. Finally taking the hint, he ran  
towards the wall shoulder first, just as the cleaners were about to  
barrel down on them.  
  
They all fell inside and Hoggle looked up to see if the ladder was still  
there. Turned out, it was.  
  
"Come you two. Up the ladder and get out. Then you go, you's way, and  
Hoggle go Hoggle's way."  
  
Homer looked up, and up, and up.  
  
"What?! You have got to be kidding me. This ladder goes up forever. I  
am not going up there."  
  
"Oh well, suit yourself. Hoggle my man, lead the way." Bart said, and  
started to follow Hoggle who had already started climbing.  
  
"Oh come on Bart. Let's go follow that thing that nearly sliced and  
diced us. I mean it did knock down the gate. Maybe it's on its way back  
to the castle. Who knows, come on." Homer whined loudly.  
  
Bart ignored him and continued up the ladder.  
  
"Good thing you is following me. Who knows what lies beyond that tunnel.  
No one's been there for a long time ever since Jareth put that gate up."  
Hoggle talked down towards Bart.  
  
"Yeah, I know..ugh" Bart was roughly grabbed by his scruff and dragged  
down the ladder and into the now open pathway. Hoggle contemplated  
whether to continue up the ladder or follow those two. He heaved a deep  
breath and came down the ladder.  
  
"Hey wait for Hoggle you twos." He called out and ran after the  
retreating figures of Bart and Homer.  
  
*=*=*  
  
TBC.  
  
1.Borrowed that from South Park.  
  
Author's notes: Muahahahahahah more creature torture *insane laughter  
continues*. Anyways, sorry for the loooongs delay, but as you can see it  
was June. I had a couple of projects dumped on me, along with the  
finals. But now that they are over, you can expect updates at a faster  
pace. Uh Huh *nods head*. As you can see, Homer and Bart didn't go up  
the ladder. I was actually going to be an extremely lazy ass about the  
fic, and let them follow the same path that Sarah had in the movie, but  
my reviewer B told me to stray away from the movie plot. Yep, it was all  
B *points frantically at B*. So you can expect some real creativeness at  
work in the next chapters, ehehehe *sweating furiously* -_-;;;;  
  
P.S. Don't forget to review please. You know I update faster, if you  
leave a review. You know sort of a boost for my ego *hint hint*. Oh and  
one more thing, please if anyone thinks that I am dragging the story out  
too much, please let me know and I'll try to tone it down a bit. Love  
you all soooo much *huggles everyone*. Bye Bye, 'til next time ^_^. 


	5. Interlude

Author's Notes: This chapter is dedicated to CloudRox, who gave me  
inspiration to write about what's going on at home. You totally rock  
babe, this one's for you ^_^.  
  
*=*=*  
  
Interlude.  
  
Lisa's science fair was going pretty well, despite of the rainy, stormy  
weather. As promised, Professor Frink was there at the school, walking  
around with his assistant, looking at different people's projects. Lisa  
was standing proudly next to her table, and Marge was over at the  
refreshments table, talking with other parents.  
  
Professor Frink, once done at Martin's table, walked over at Lisa's.  
  
"Hmm, troy lavin, I see this uhhh contraption that you uhhh have  
constructed ummm glavin." Frink droned in his usual speech manner.  
  
"Yes Professor Frink. Allow me to tell you about my project. I made a  
weather measuring device. Let me show you how it works. When there is a  
hurricane or tornado heading towards Springfield, these dials will start  
moving rapidly, in clockwise or counterclockwise positions, depending on  
which direction the hurricane is coming from. And the reading that we  
get on the paper coming form in here *Lisa pointed to a small printer  
next to the device* will show us the intensity of the upcoming hurricane.  
And how long it will stay (1)." Lisa explained her project, and stepped  
aside so he could take a look for himself.  
  
"Hmm, well glavin I see I see. Good effort there Lisa, troy lavin."  
  
"Thank you. I appreciate your comments. And may I say you look  
exceptionally charming today." Said Lisa, giving him a dazzling smile.  
  
"Why thank you for noticing Lisa. I had ordered this new glavin hair  
product from Scientists Weekly. It's called "The Pythagorean Theorem  
Gel". I guess it really worked well, troyyy."  
  
"Oh yes it did." Said Lisa. "Its really adding another "positive a  
square" to your personality."  
  
"Yes thank you. I have to go see the other tables now. Good job Lisa.  
Troy lavin."  
  
"Do you think I could win first place?" Lisa asked scuffing her shoes,  
with her hands behind her back, looking at him with hopeful eyes.  
  
"I am not allowed to reveal that information until I've seen them all,  
but...glavin."  
  
Professor Frink gave her a small wink form behind his thick glasses and  
walked off.  
  
"Oh good job, Honey." Said Marge, coming up from behind. "I am so glad  
to see my teachings are being used well. A little bit of buttering will  
help slide in a few prizes." Marge said, referring to Lisa, sucking up  
to the judge.  
  
"I learned from the best." Said Lisa, giving her mother a huge smile.  
  
"Oh I just wish your father was here to see this. He would've been so  
proud." Marge was sniffling slightly.  
  
"Oh Mom, that's o.k. I have learned to deal with disappointments now.  
It doesn't bother me so much any more." Lisa said a little sadly.  
  
"Oh that man can be so inconsiderate, insufferable at time. I just don't  
know how to deal with him sometimes." Marge said a little angrily.  
  
"Hey, there's Helen Lovejoy. Wonder what she's doing here? O.k. Honey,  
you just sit tight, I'll be right back." Marge walked off towards the  
reverend's wife's direction.  
  
Lisa sat down on the chair and looked around at her competition.  
  
'oh heheheheeh, they don't stand a chance.' Lisa thought to herself.  
  
"Lisa! Hi!"  
  
'Oh no. Oh God no.' Lisa groaned mentally and turned towards the source  
of the voice.  
  
"Hi Millhouse. What are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, I was just riding around in my bike when the rain started coming  
down heavy. I couldn't find any place to take refuge and this was the  
closest I could go." Millhouse said, pushing his rain slicked hair back  
with his hand, making the ends stick up comically. "Don't you just hate  
it that we have to be stuck in school to escape from the rain. I mean  
could there be a more worst place." Said Millhouse, leaning over the  
table.  
  
"You know Millhouse, I happen to like school. And I am not escaping form  
the thunderstorm. As you can see, there is a science fair today, and I  
am an active participant." Lisa said waving her hand around.  
  
"Really, I love science. You know I do." Millhouse seeing how his  
'charms' didn't work on Lisa, changed his tactics.  
  
"Uh Huh, right. Go home, Millhouse." Said Lisa wearily. She had just  
sucked up to the dorky professor, and she wasn't in the mood to put up  
with the dorky pest.  
  
"Why? Don't you want me around? You know I can help you win. I can  
spread good word around for you. Please let me stay." Millhouse was  
practically on his knees, by the end of the sentence.  
  
"O.K Millhouse, you can stay. You can be my body guard." Lisa said  
cunningly. Millhouse was not going away, so it was time to play dirty.  
"You know, Nelson was just here a few moments ago. He beat up and sent  
Ralph to the hospital cuz he saw me talking to him. For some reason  
Nelson is on a serious jealous rampage nowadays. Every time a boy even  
comes near me, Nelson just goes on rearranging his face (2)." Lisa  
looked over at Millhouse who had gone incredibly pale and was shaking  
violently.  
  
"Oh but don't worry. I am sure a strong, handsome guy like yourself will  
be able to handle him." Lisa was laughing uncontrollably in her mind.  
  
"Uhhh, love to stay and chat more Lisa but I gotta go now. I promised  
Bart I'll drop by, so I'll see ya later. Bye now." Millhouse said all  
of this quickly and ran out like a bat out of hell.  
  
'Hmm, have to remember to use Nelson as a threat in the future more  
often.'  
  
She was about to sit down when she heard a voice from her side.  
  
"Look Lisa. I'm smart."  
  
Who would've ever guessed that Ralph would be at the science fair today?  
  
"Ralph, what are you doing here?" Lisa cried out. "This is a science  
fair, no a kiddy carnival. Are you sure you're in the right place?"  
  
"I am Lisa. Principal Skinner said I could be here today."  
  
Flashback...  
  
Chief Wiggum is seen standing in front of Principal Skinner, waving  
around his nigh stick.  
  
"Now, tell him he can participate in the science fair." He said to the  
principal.  
  
"This is an outrage. How could you threaten a respected citizen like  
this? I will not succumb to your demand no matter how much you bully  
me." Principal Skinner said in a final tone, crossing his arms over his  
chest.  
  
Chief Wiggum took out his gun, cocked it, and pointed it at Skinner's  
head.  
  
"Ralph! Son! Of Course you can be in the science fair tomorrow. You  
just have to come up with a project by tomorrow and you'll be all set."  
Principal Skinner said a little shakily, looking from Ralph to the gun,  
and back.  
  
Chief Wiggum lowered the gun, and put it back in its holster.  
  
"I am so glad we understand each other Skinner. Lets go Ralphie."  
  
.....End Flashback.  
  
Lisa was looking incredulously at Ralph.  
  
"Uhhh, o.k. So did you come up with something Ralph?" Lisa asked  
dreading his answer.  
  
"I sure did Lisa. I am going to splain how hot dogs are made. I even  
have the ingredients that they use. Wanna see? Look."  
  
Ralph held up a large brown paper bag. It was currently dripping with  
thick red blood, and smelled faintly of rotting animals, mud, and sewage  
water (3).  
  
Lisa wrinkled her nose and thanked the Gods that she was a vegetarian.  
  
"Ralph why don't you go set up your table over there." Lisa pointed to a  
table which was furthest away from her own. The one that also happened  
to be right next to her arch nemeses, Sherri and Terrie.  
  
"Thanks Lisa. Bye."  
  
Ralph waved and took off towards the pointed table. A few moments later,  
loud yells of "Eeww" and "Gross" could be heard coming from that  
direction.  
  
Lisa did a little victory dance in her head. Now, all she had to do was  
to wait for Frink to be done with his rounds, pronounce her the winner  
and everything will be all right with the world.  
  
'I hope Dad and Bart are having a miserable time staying home, taking  
care of Maggie.' Lisa thought to herself.  
  
She probably would have given second thoughts about her wish, if she had  
only known what kind of predicament those two had landed themselves into.  
  
*=*=*  
  
TBC.  
1. I couldn't think of a project so I used one from one of the episodes,  
where Lisa makes this thing (I can't remember the name for the life of  
me) which predicts weather, and then there is a hurricane that hits  
Springfield. You remember too, I hope ^_^.  
  
2. Referring to when Lisa dated Nelson, but broke up in the same episode.  
  
3. Sorry if I grossed out some people with this, but I really really  
don't like hot dogs, so I couldn't help it ^_^;;;;;;  
  
Author's notes: Hope you enjoyed this small interlude. Please oh please  
don't forget to review. Told ya, you can expect updates at a faster  
pace. * gives a huge bone crushing hug to CloudRox*. I love your  
reviews. Thank you soooo much, and also to everyone else who took some  
time out and gave me encouraging words. You guys are the best ^_^. 


	6. Chapter 5

Author's notes: *Whimpers from behind a corner* Please don't kill me. I know I haven't updated in forever. Yaarrrgghhhhhh!!!! My Bad!!! Anyway, read and enjoy the next chapter.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Chapter 5.  
  
"How much longer is this thing?"  
  
Homer asked for the umpteenth time. He, Hoggle and Bart had been walking for what seemed like hours. In reality it had only been fifteen minutes.  
  
"Hey, cram it Homer. It was your idea in the first place. Hoggle was going to take us up the ladder, but Nooooo, you wanted to follow the murderous, knife-wielding killing machine."  
  
Bart was getting a little irritated. They all heard a loud rumble that shook the walls of the tunnel.  
  
"And would you stop doing that." Bart screamed. "I know you're hungry. And now, thanks to your stomach's constant rumbling, so am I. But where are we going to find food around here?"  
  
It had been a long time since they'd had breakfast that day. The tunnel that they were traversing seemed unending. There wasn't any sunlight to indicate that they were approaching the end. They only source of light they had came from the glitter that seemed to cover not only the walls and floors, but also the ceiling of the tunnel.  
  
"Oh, how did I end up like this?"  
  
Homer, who felt he had been quiet for too long, started wailing again.  
  
"I don't know how, but somehow this is all Jesus McChurchy's fault."  
  
Hoggle looked questiongly at Bart.  
  
"Our next door neighbor."  
  
Homer continued on as if he had been uninterrupted.  
  
"I mean, look at him with his perfect children. Always praying, always spic and span clean. Bah, I hate them. That Flanders is such a bad influence on Marge. It's by watching him that she wants us to be such a perfect family. I mean the only thing that I did wrong was forgetting about my exceptionally smart daughter's educational event that could quite possibly determine her future. I mean any 'normal' father could've made that mistake, right."  
  
"You're right Homer." Bart called out and then muttered under his breath "You lousy excuse for a parent."  
  
They continued to make their way down the tunnel.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Up in his castle, Jareth was looking through his crystal at the progress the Simpson family was making. He was frowning slightly. It would've been better if they had taken the ladder. The path they were set on would lead them towards the castle much faster. It was time to make some interferences and have another talk with Hoggle.  
  
Jareth took a look at Maggie. She was watching some goblins chase a chicken around the throne room, and clapping loudly. He nodded in her direction and disappeared in a shower of glitter.  
  
*~*~*  
  
As they walked further down the tunnel, they failed to notice that it was not only getting darker, but also narrower.  
  
Homer kept mumbling incoherently and Bart had his head bowed. Which is why they didn't notice when they tunnel became so dark that they could hardly see the hands in front of their faces. Unbeknownst to them, they came upon a turn, from where the tunnel separated into three different directions. Homer and Bart then successfully walked right past and entered through two different openings. Not even realizing that they had separated, they continued to make their way deeper and deeper into the darkened path.  
  
Hoggle had entered through the third opening. In his case, he didn't notice where he was going because he had kept looking around himself in fears that something would jump out at him or that he would fall through an unseen opening.  
  
After walking for a while, he noticed the lack of chatter coming from his companions. He came to his senses and realized that he had lost them few ways back. He groaned out loud and turned around in hopes of catching up to them.  
  
As soon as he turned around, he took a step back and nearly lost his footing. For Jareth was standing right there in all his Goblin King splendor.  
  
"So, Hedgewart. You decided to tag along and help them out, did you?" Jareth stated, looking down at him.  
  
Hoggle, who used to cower in Jareth's presence, had gained some strong nerves ever since he met Sarah. He stood up straight in front of Jareth.  
  
"You damn right I's did. I likes them folks. They may cause a bit o' trouble for Hoggle, but them's hearts in the right place."  
  
"Hmm, Hoggle, you finally learned to stand up for yourself, huh. But unfortunately, you'll be unable to help your friends at the moment."  
  
Jareth said smiling evilly.  
  
"What d' you mean? What'd you do to them?"  
  
Jareth gave a small chuckle.  
  
"Oh, I just sent them down a little passageway. 'The Path of Temptation'. I believe you are familiar with that."  
  
Hoggle made a horrified face.  
  
"You didn't. They could be lost in there forever."  
  
"I most certainly did. Now we'll just have to wait and see what happens next. Oh, and in case they manage to get themselves out of there, which I highly doubt, I want you to give them this."  
  
Jareth held out a plain wooden box, which he produced out of thin air.  
  
"In here you'll find things that will be most enticing to them. And no, it won't poison them, just put them in a deep sleep."  
  
He thrust the box in Hoggle's hand.  
  
"And what makes you think I'm gonna do yer dirty work." Hoggle asked defiantly.  
  
"Hmm, lets see. Because I am still the master of this labyrinth. Because I'm your King. And because I will string you up by your stumpy little toes and dunk you head first into the bog of eternal stench. That's why I think you'll do my dirty work."  
  
Hoggle whimpered helplessly.  
  
"Now then. I'll take you to the end of the tunnel. Where they would emerge, if ever, and you will give them that."  
  
Hoggle didn't utter a word, merely nodded his head solemnly.  
  
A few second later, both of them disappeared from the scene. A faint shower of glitter was the only indication that they Goblin King was ever there.  
  
*~*~*  
  
The path of Temptation. The place, through which, when one walks they would see things that would tempt them to forget about their quest. And if not careful, the person could be lost in their false fantasy forever.  
  
Although it was the place that would make you forget about your quest, Jareth had made it so he wouldn't be completely unfair. There would be signs and clues given to the traveler about their quest. Only if they were keen enough to pick up on them, would enable them to leave the tunnel. Otherwise they would be forever lost in the made up reality.  
  
Now, only their strong will and their desire to get Maggie back, would help them out of the prediction they had fallen in.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Stupid Flanders. Always messing things up. God I hate him."  
  
Homer kept muttering those phrases under his breath.  
  
Before he could notice his company missing, the scenery around him shimmered and changed. Now, instead of walking down the darkened tunnel, he had walked into Moe's Tavern.  
  
"One beer please, Moe. I'm not having a good day."  
  
Homer said and sat down on the stool.  
  
"Uh, here ya go Homer. And its.uh.on the house."  
  
Moe said as he placed the large mug in front of Homer. Homer looked up disbelievingly.  
  
"Really!! That's great!"  
  
"Uh..yeah. And tell ya what, I'm gonna rip up your bar tab too. Seeing as how you're my best customer and all that."  
  
Moe said, ripping up a rather large piece of paper.  
  
"Wow, Moe. That's like a dream come true."  
  
Homer said smiling widely. He turned towards Barney who was drinking as usual.  
  
"Isn't it great Barney?"  
  
In answer, Barney burped loudly right on Homer's face. But instead of the usual crude sound, his burp sounded suspiciously like "Maggie".  
  
"Eewww gross, Barn."  
  
Homer said, batting the air in front of his face.  
  
"O.K I'll be heading home now." Homer said getting up.  
  
"Oh here Homer. Here's one for the road. On the house."  
  
Homer gulped down the large, frothy mug and stepped outside into a bright sunny day.  
  
He got into his car and started for home. He turned the knob on the radio. He turned to F.M. radio and a song started blaring on the speakers.  
  
"Oh Maggie. You came and you saw and..." (1)  
  
"Yuck, I hate this song."  
  
He turned to A.M. radio.  
  
"And in other news, Jared King has been arrested for kidnapping babies from Springfield and Shelbyville areas. He was apprehended yesterday by the brave cop Hoggle the Dwarf."  
  
At that point, Homer looked at the radio.  
  
"Huh?!"  
  
"...by the brave cop, Harold Dorff."  
  
"Oh, good for him."  
  
Upon arriving home he turned off the radio and parked his car in the garage. When he stepped outside, he sniffed the air.  
  
"sniff..sniff..what is that wonderful smell? Sniff..sniff..smells like.roasted chicken..steak..spaghetti with meatballs.sniff..sniff.. and do I dare hope, home-made donunts!"  
  
By the time he had reached front door, Homer's shirt was wet in the front with all the drool that was dribbling down his chin. When he entered, his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.  
  
There was food all over the place. Every kind of food imaginable was stacked on the coffee table, on the mantle, on top of the tv, and on the sofa. When he walked into the kitchen, he found more food displayed on the counters, on the dining table and on top of the fridge. Homer found Marge wearing an apron and glazing the ham roasting in the oven, and there was food being cooked on the stoves.  
  
Marge walked up to Homer and kissed him on the cheeks.  
  
"Hi Homey, are you hungry? I bet you are. Why don't you start with this steak here."  
  
Homer had been rendered speechless, and nodded his head dumbly at his wife. Marge placed a plate with a large T. Bone steak in front of him.  
  
"And you don't even have to eat your vegetables, Homey. Better yet, why don't you eat your dessert along with the entrée?"  
  
Marge walked over to the fridge and extracted a plate with a 3-layered cake on top. She placed the cake in front of Homer, who in an eating frenzy, failed to notice that the cake was shaped strangely like a pacifier.  
  
He was practically in tears by now. He picked up a spoon and a fork and attacked the food with gusto. After the steak and cake, he tackled roast chicken and pudding. After that pork chops with a side of honey-glazed ribs and a banana split.  
  
He was scarfing down Bar B Q chicken wings when Lisa walked in.  
  
"Hi Dad. Look, I won another Nobel Peace Prize. This time for my research in the areas of science. And its all thanks to you because you are my greatest inspiration." She said beaming up at him.  
  
"Oh honey, Daddy is so proud of you."  
  
Homer gave her head a messy bar b q sauce kiss.  
  
Lisa walked out and Bart walked in. He was dressed in neat slacks and a crisp white shirt, and his hair was combed nicely.  
  
"Hey Dad. Look, my SAT score came in. And I got a 1500 on them. I am really ashamed of myself that I couldn't get 1600."  
  
Bart bowed his head.  
  
"That's ok son. Your mother and I still love you, despite your horrible marks."  
  
Homer said patting his head.  
  
"See Marge. My kids are much smarter than Jesus La Femme's. Won't he be jealous when I rub it in his face, he he he he he."  
  
Homer said, giggling madly.  
  
"Oh Homer, you know you can't do that. Remember last week, Ned's home was crushed by a meteor. He was dead on the spot. A real shame though."  
  
"Oh damn, I lost my chance for gloating. Stupid Flanders, always putting a damper on my happiness."  
  
In a blink of an eye, the whole scenery changed. Now he was sitting on his seat in sector 17 G of the Nuclear Power Plant.  
  
"Simpson!"  
  
Homer whimpered and turned around to see Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers standing there.  
  
"I am here to congratulate you on a job well done. You are a great asset to the power plant and you're the employ of the month. Oh and here's your Christmas bonus. I know it's a bit early, but with the hell."  
  
Mr. Burns handed him a white, thick envelope. Homer accepted the envelope with a large smile.  
  
"Thank you sir, I try my hardest to keep the plant safe."  
  
"Hmm, you're right Simpson. You do deserve a promotion. Oh yeah, I know, you can have Smither's job."  
  
Burns said thoughtfully and turned towards Smithers.  
  
"Oh and by the way Smithers, you're fired."  
  
Smithers gave a loud yell and fell to his knees.  
  
"NOOOO!!! I have been beaten by the best. Damn you Homer Simpson, damn you!!"  
  
Smithers was lead away, screaming and kicking, by two large burly guys. Both of whom had pacifier in their mouths and were suckling on them making the same noise as that of Maggie.  
  
"So, Simpson, go and take your new office. And while you're at it, here, they will serve as your slaves from now on."  
  
Burns said, shoving Lenny and Carl in Homer's direction.  
  
Homer put his fingers together and smiled mischievously.  
  
"Excellent!!"  
  
In the next instant, Homer was seen riding a one man carriage, holding a leather whip. His carriage was being pulled by Lenny and Carl. He was bringing the whip down on them from time to time.  
  
"Faster slave.whip..faster!!"  
  
"Ouch..hey cut it out Homer..yarrrgh..that hurts!" screamed Lenny.  
  
"Yeah...yowch..we used to be your friends." Yelled Carl.  
  
"Quiet you. Take me to my new office..whip..Faster I say."  
  
Whip cracking continued, followed by the painful screaming from his friends/slaves.  
  
The scene changed once again and Homer was once again standing at his front door. He scratched his head.  
  
"Huh"  
  
He shrugged his shoulders and stepped inside.  
  
"Marge!! Kids!!! Where are you guys? You will never believe what happened in the office today?"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"Huh, where is everybody?"  
  
He went into the living room and stopped dead in his tracks.  
  
"Huzzahh Whattt??!"  
  
There stood Patty and Selma, dressed in French maid's outfits and each holding a feather duster in her hands. There fat, hairy legs were exposed up to upper thighs for the whole world to see.  
  
"Hiya Homer." Patty said in a low deep voice.  
  
"How can we serve you?" Selma spoke, batting her eyelashes.  
  
"Hey!! What are you hags doing here in my home dressed like French whores?" Homer asked, his voice raising a little.  
  
"Oh Homer," Selma giggled. "We love it when you cal us names like that."  
  
"Yeah." Patty said walking up to him. "Why don't you lay down on your stomach and we'll give you a long, slow sensual massage."  
  
She said running her hands over Homer's shoulders and back. Selma also walked up to him.  
  
"Yeah, you look to tense Homer." She said bending down a little in front of him, her cleavage spilling out of her overly tight outfit.  
  
Homer bent his head, took a deep breath, then looked up towards the ceiling and screamed at the top of his lungs.  
  
"NOOOO!!!!! This CANNOT be happening! Somebody get me out of here!"  
  
Homer was running around in circles, rubbing his eyes and screaming like a banshee. Unknown to him, the scene around him blurred and disappeared, and was replaced with the stony walls of the tunnels. But this time, instead of the pitch black darkness, it was bright and sunny. For Homer was standing just a few feet away from the entrance.  
  
He looked up and ran out towards the opening. Outside, Hoggle was sitting down with his back propped against a large boulder.  
  
Homer fell on the ground and picked up a large, pointy rock.  
  
"Oh dear eyes. How you been horribly defiled. I must put you out of your misery."  
  
Homer was just about to shove the rock in his left eye when a scream stopped his movement.  
  
Bart was running out from another opening in the tunnel, screaming at the top of his lungs.  
  
*~*~*  
  
TBC.  
  
1. Remember this song that Homer sings about his coworker Mindy, "Oh Mindy". I can't really remember all the lyrics, so I just winged it _  
  
Author's notes: Wanna know what happened with Bart, leave a review ^_^ Anyway, I just wanna let you guys know how much your reviews are appreciated. And not to worry, the next chapter is under production. I'll put it up as soon as I finish typing it up. Love you guys, bye ^_^ 


	7. Chapter 6

Author's notes: First of all, a humongous thanks to CloudRox for the lyrics. I really couldn't recall them for the life of me. Also, many many thanks to all you guys who have reviewed and are sticking with the story. Hopefully, you'll enjoy the next chapter. Read and review ^_^.  
  
Chapter 6.  
  
"God damn Homer, always screwing things up. Good for nothing excuse of a father. Don't know what I was thinking."  
  
Bart was muttering under his breath as he continued on his way down the darkened tunnel. He, just like his father, didn't realize that he had been separated from his companions. He also didn't notice when the whole scenery shimmered around him and changed.  
  
Now, instead of walking down the tunnel, he was walking down the hallway of the school. When he came up to his class, he opened the door and walked in.  
  
Upon his entrance, the whole class erupted into applause. There were cheers and whistles that accompanied him as he walked inside.  
  
"Hey Bart. You're the best."  
  
A kid shouted from across the classroom.  
  
"Bart. You're my hero."  
  
Said Sherri, or was it Terri?  
  
"Good gracious Bart. Where have you been?" said Mrs. Krabapple. "I wouldn't have been able to teach the class if my star pupil wasn't here." She said practically in tears.  
  
Bart was soaking up all this attention. He smiled at one kid, winked at another. He then blew a kiss in the direction of the twins. As he walked by Mrs. Krabapple, he gave her a firm smack on the behind.  
  
"The Bartman is here toots. You can go on with the lesson."  
  
He went and sat down on his seat, with his feet propped up on the desk and his seat slouched back.  
  
"O.K class, we'll be discussing animals today." Mrs. Krabapple said, opening up a book. "Now, this animal is a domestic one. It has pointed ears and whiskers, and belongs to the same family as lions. Does anyone know which animal I'm talking about?"  
  
She looked around the classroom. Lots of kids were scratching their heads with clueless expressions. Martin had his blonde hair in tightly clenched fists.  
  
"Oh ma. I know the answer. At least I thought I did. What is it? What is it?"  
  
Mrs. Krabapple looked around the room.  
  
"Doesn't anyone know the answer? So, like always, we would have to ask Bart Simpson."  
  
Bart made a surprised sound and pointed at himself. Mrs. Krabapple nodded her head.  
  
"Go ahead Bart. Dazzle us with your infinite wisdom." She said with stars in her eyes.  
  
"Hmm let's see." Bart scratched his chin. "The animal you are talking about sounds a bit like, oh I don't know, a cat."  
  
"Excellent Bart."  
  
The teacher said, while the whole class erupted into applause. Martin cried out loudly and broke down into helpless sobs.  
  
"Once again, I have been beaten by the best."  
  
Just then, the school bell rang. While everyone was making their way out, Nelson came up to Bart.  
  
"Hey Bart." He said in a small voice. "Would you mind walking with me down the hall to the lunch-room? Jimbo is after me, with his cronies. If he sees me hanging out with you, he'll leave me alone."  
  
Bart was speechless.  
  
"You..you mean you are asking ME to protect you? From Jimbo?" Bart's voice went a little higher at the end.  
  
"Well, yeah dude. The whole school knows how much Jimbo and his gang are afraid of you."  
  
Bart's eyes went wide.  
  
"Ohhh ho ho ho ho. This is too rich man." Bart laughed out loud.  
  
They both started making their way down the hall towards the cafeteria when a group of screaming girls went past them.  
  
"Hey, what the hell is going on?"  
  
Bart asked as more screaming girls ran past. He then spotted Lisa, whose face had gone red.  
  
"Hey Lis. What's going on?"  
  
Lisa giggled helplessly.  
  
"Oh Bart. We have a new substitute teacher today. He is so dreamy and cool. He even told us to call him by his first name. And he picked on me the most times to answer the questions." Lisa giggled some more. She then looked at him.  
  
"I wish I could borrow your confidence for a while, Bart. The whole time he was teaching us, all I could do was stare at him."  
  
Lisa said in a high voice.  
  
"Hey, calm down Lis." Bart placed a hand on her shoulders. "Come on, let's go see this new guy."  
  
With Lisa and Nelson in tow, Bart made his way over to the 2nd grade classroom. When they arrived, it was very hard for them to make it to the door. A swarm of girls, from all over the school were gathered right in front of the door. They were pushing and shoving at each other to get a closer look. Lunch Lady Doris and Edna Krabapple were among the crowd.  
  
"Hey, one side ladies. Mover over. Watch out coming through." Bart maneuvered his way through the mob and made it to the front door. He then peeked inside.  
  
A man was sitting on the teacher's desk, sifting through papers and marking them down. He was about 5' 9" tall, with long, extremely blonde hair. He had sharp features and a beautiful face. Bart scowled at him through the window.  
  
"I don't see what the big freakin' deal is. He's just like a normal looking guy."  
  
He commented and turned around. He meeped when he observed the scene behind him. All the girls had quieted down, and had huge scowls on their faces. Their eyes were set on Bart and he could've sworn that he saw fire burning in them.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
One girl in front asked, very slowly. Bart meeped again.  
  
The girls were just about to start pummeling on him when the door opened and the teacher in question stepped out. All of a sudden, the scowls disappeared from the girl's faces, replaced with shiny, bright smiles.  
  
"Hello Everyone."  
  
The man spoke in a suave English accent. A few girls screamed and some heaved huge sighs. Bart looked at the man and noticed that he had mismatched eyes. Something stirred at the back of his memory.  
  
"Hey man, do I know you?" Bart asked the guy.  
  
"I believe we have had a previous encounter, Bart." Said the man. "We met at the 'cleaners'."  
  
He put an emphasis on the word 'cleaners' while looking straight into his eyes. Bart looked at him for a few seconds and then shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Whatever man. I gotta run."  
  
Bart dismissed the man and made his way out of the school. He went down the road towards his home. He was just about to cross the street when a car zoomed by fast. The car was blaring with the song which sounded like "O Mandy". When the car passed by Bart, he could've sworn he heard the driver mumble "Yuck, I hate this song."  
  
Bart had quickly gotten out of the way and avoided the impact. When he crossed the street and reached the other side of the road, a baby stroller ran into him, nearly knocking him over. Bart steadied himself and looked down. The baby with one eyebrow, who was also Maggie's rival, was staring up at him. Bart smiled down at him and patted his head. He made soft baby noises at him. The baby brushed his hand away and grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him down close to his face.  
  
"Listen up jerk-face. You better get Maggie back because if she's going to get ugly by anyone, it's gonna be me. Capice?"  
  
The little angelic baby spoke in a heavy demonic voice.  
  
"Ah he he he he heh. Good baby."  
  
Bart laughed nervously as he slowly backed away. When he was at a safe distance, he broke out in a run.  
  
"Damn kids of today. What kind of Satanic formula is his mother feeding him. Sheesh."  
  
Ignoring the baby's words, Bart continued to make his way down the road.  
  
"Heeeeyyyy Baaaaart!!"  
  
At the sound of excited yelling, Bart turned around. Next thing he knew, he was knocked flat on his back and his entire vision had gone blue. His best friend Milhouse had him in a near death-grip and was hugging him around the middle.  
  
"Hey Milhouse, calm down."  
  
Bart tried to soothe his excited friend, but he only held on tighter.  
  
"Oh Bart, you are my most bestest friend in the whole wide world. I adore you. I worship you. Oh Bart, you are the best." Milhouse was rubbing his face in his chest.  
  
"O.K Milhouse, you're starting to creep me out man." Bart tried once again to free himself, and this time Milhouse let go.  
  
Bart stood up, followed closely by his friend. Milhouse stood up slowly as if in a trance.  
  
"Better snap out of it Bart, you have only a few hours left."  
  
He said in a monotonous voice, looking out into the space. His body then lifted slightly off the ground and started turning round and round. He kept repeating those weird words over and over again, as he spun (1).  
  
Once again, Bart backed up slowly and ran away.  
  
"What the hell's the matter with everyone today?"  
  
He finally made it over to his house. He opened the door and stepped inside. His eyes widened when he noticed what was inside. All the walls in the house were covered with his pictures. There were baby pictures of him, his pictures throughout school years, pictures of him taken at parties and different events. There was a rather large picture in the middle where Bart was seated on a throne, with a crown and a thick red fur cape around his shoulders. Marge, Lisa and Maggie were knelt down by his side. A Homer throw rug was placed in the front of the throne, with Bart's foot on Homer's head.  
  
"He he he heh. Life is good."  
  
Bart exclaimed. He made his way up the stairs towards his room. When he reached the door, it seemed larger for some reason. He turned the knob and stepped inside. His jaw dropped open at the sight that greeted him. His room had gone double its original size. He had a huge king-sized bed right in the middle of the room. There was a brand new scooter awaiting him by the window. Right across from his bed, was a giant big screen t.v. and DVD system. He could see Playstation 2 and Nintendo Gamecube already plugged into it. The whole room was cluttered with Krusty brand merchandise. With a loud yell of joy, Bart took a flying leap and jumped onto his bed. He jumped up and down for a good half hour. He only stopped when he felt like throwing up.  
  
"Baaartttt!!"  
  
Marge's voice called out to him from downstairs.  
  
"Could you please come down here? There is something I need to discuss with you."  
  
Bart spun around his room once before making his way downstairs. When he reached the bottom stair, he was smothered in a warm hug and was showered with enthusiastic kisses.  
  
"Oh Bart. My special little guy. Mommy is always so proud of you."  
  
Marge said in between kisses.  
  
"Hey Mom. Take a breath."  
  
Even though Bart soaked up that attention, he still pushed his mother off of him.  
  
"Why did you call me down here Mom?" he asked.  
  
"Oh yeah. That's right. Bart, could you please step into the living room? There's someone here to see you."  
  
Marge said, and Bart followed her in the living room. As soon as Bart stepped in he groaned out loud.  
  
"Damn it. Why did it have to be Skinner?"  
  
He turned towards his mother.  
  
"Mom, whatever it is Skinner says I did it, I didn't do it." He said in a pleading tone. "Please don't believe a word he says."  
  
"Bart Simpson doing something bad? Well Sir, that is just not possible."  
  
Skinner spoke up from his seat.  
  
"No Bart. Principal Skinner is here to give you some good news." Marge said as she sat down.  
  
"Really? Good news from Skinner? Well now I've heard everything."  
  
Bart said in a disbelieving tone. Skinner laughed out loud.  
  
"Oh ho ho ho. You're smart and a funny young man. Well anyway Bart, the reason I'm here is to tell you that since you're the best student at Springfield elementary, you have been chosen to go on an all-expense paid trip to Disneyland."  
  
Bart took a deep breath and then yelled out at the top of his lungs.  
  
"YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!"  
  
Marge sat there with a happy expression on her face.  
  
"Oh Bart, I am so proud of you."  
  
Bart was doing a crazy little celebratory dance.  
  
"Oh yeah, oh yeah, who's the man? I'm the man!"  
  
Skinner smiled and shook his head.  
  
"But you know, that's not even the best part."  
  
Bart stopped in his dancing to listen.  
  
"Guess who you'll be going with?"  
  
Bart's eyes went wide.  
  
"Ay carumba. Don't tell me I can bring my best friend along. I'm sure Milhouse would want to go. And maybe I could ask Nelson."  
  
"Oh no no no no Bart." Skinner laughed again. "That has already been decided. You'll be going with me, of course."  
  
Bart's jaw dropped down to his knees. Skinner stood up and snatched his suit right off his body. What was revealed underneath made Bart's eyes bug out of their sockets.  
  
Skinner was wearing a T-Shirt that supported the logo 'Bart's #1 Fan'. He was also wearing bright, Hawaiin printed shorts that came down to his knees. He was wearing knee-high white socks and black sandals. A fisher's hat was perched on top of his head and he was holding a large Polaroid camera in one hand and a suit case in the other.  
  
"We'll leave whenever you're ready Bart." Skinner said looking down at him, through huge plastic sunglasses.  
  
"We'll have a blast, you'll see. Riding on the rides together. Eating together. Watching the parade together. And practically spending every second of the trip in each other's company. Oh it'll be a blast."  
  
Bart moved back in fear and gave an ear-splitting scream.  
  
"Oh No. God. Somebody get me out of here."  
  
At his words, the whole scene shifted and blinked out of view. It was replaced by the dark walls of the tunnel once again. Still screaming at the top of his lungs, he made for the opening in the tunnel. He came out into the clearing and stepped right up to Hoggle and Homer, who had a large, pointy rock up in front of his face.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"So," Hoggle began once they had all settled down. "You two figured out it was all fake. Them things you saw didn't exist for real."  
  
Homer, who was still clawing at his eyes, stopped mid-motion.  
  
"I knew it was all a lie. I was just so happy I didn't want to let go." Homer said sheepishly.  
  
"And I knew immediately when I saw that Jareth dude pretending to be a substitute. But I stayed for the hell of it. You know, might as well enjoy the ride for as long as I can." Bart said shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"Well then, let's be on our way." Hoggle said starting to stand up.  
  
He had decided that he was not going to go through with showing these two the contents of the box, thereby delaying them further. He really wanted them to rescue the child that was stolen from them.  
  
"Hey relax Hoggle." Homer said stretching his arms upwards. "We have all the time in the world. Why not take a small nap." Homer said lying down on his back in a luxuriating manner.  
  
Before he could lay down completely his head connected loudly with the wooden box.  
  
"D'oh."  
  
Homer exclaimed as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head.  
  
"Hey what the hell is this?"  
  
Homer asked, grabbing on to the item that had just given him a bruise.  
  
"Oh this. Tis nothing. Just forget about it. Let's go."  
  
Hoggle tried to keep the box out of Homer's clutches, but was too slow.  
  
"Hey Hoggle. Why were you hiding this back there?" Bart asked and turned towards Homer. "Go on Dad, open it up."  
  
Homer nodded his head and opened the box.  
  
"Oh. My. God."  
  
Homer and Bart both exclaimed simultaneously. Inside were things that they both wanted most in the whole world. Bart took out the thing that held his interest.  
  
"A super-duper, all syrup, Kwik-E-Mart slurpie." He said in an amazed tone. "Apu makes these only on special order."  
  
He stared at it in disbelief as Homer took out the other thing. He was starting to salivate profusely at the corners of his mouth.  
  
"A Krusty brand rib-wich. I thought these were for a limited time only."  
  
He held up the rib-wich in sunlight as if wanting a more clear look at it. Hoggle was shaking his head. Well, since they fell for it, might as well go all the way.  
  
"Yeah. I was saving these for you two. Reckon you might be hungry."  
  
Bart, who had shown a little more brains in this ordeal then Homer, looked at the large cup in his hand suspiciously.  
  
"Hey, I don't know man. The last time I had one of these things, I ended up as a boy scout in Flanders' team."  
  
He said putting the cup down.  
  
"And by the way, where did you get these things? I didn't see a Kwik-E- Mart or a Krusty Burger around here." He said eyeing Hoggle.  
  
"Well..ummmm..you see..." Hoggle stammered.  
  
"You got these from that Goblin dude, didn't you?"  
  
Bart said and immediately looked at Homer alarmingly.  
  
"Don't eat it Dad. It might be poisonous."  
  
"Huh!"  
  
Homer said stupidly while sucking on his fingers. The rib-wich was long gone and now Homer was basking in the after-taste.  
  
"Hmmm, all the tender meaty juices.uuurrgghhhh."  
  
Bart and Hoggle were looking at him closely to see what would happen next. All of a sudden Homer's face twisted and his eyes bugged out.  
  
"Oh no," he said in a distorted voice. "intenstines....rejecting the rib- wich ..arteries ..getting clogged...with cholesterol...breathing..becoming hard...heart beat.normal."  
  
Homer said the last word in a calm happy way, and the next instant he collapsed straight on his face.  
  
"Oh no, Dad." Bart rushed to his side. "Wake up Dad. Come on wake up."  
  
Bart shook the prone figure vigorously. When Homer gave no response, he sat down next to him.  
  
"Well, he's out like a light." He said to Hoggle, who was shaking his head.  
  
"Knowing that Jareth, whatever he gave Homer must be pretty strong. He could be out for a long time."  
  
Hoggle had barely finished the sentence when Homer sat straight up.  
  
"O.K what did I miss?" (2)  
  
Hoggle looked at him disbelievingly.  
  
"H...how's this possible?" He asked in an amazed tone.  
  
"Well Hoggle, this is how it is." Homer started to explain in a smart tone. "You see, I've been subjected to and sometimes volunteered to many drug testing experiments. I have had things injected in me that would put an elephant flat on his back. Plus working in nuclear power plant has been lots of help too. My body has become immune to lots of things. Drugs, hallucinogens, magical potions, you name it and I'm immune to it."  
  
Hoggle shook his head and stood up.  
  
"Well then folks, what are we waiting for? Let's get going."  
  
All three of them stood to make their path down the road. They started walking again with new gusto. They had walked a little way when they came upon a fork in the road. The left side of the road led to a dark, dreary forest and the right side led to a beautiful, huge garden, with lots of lush green trees where many colorful birds were fluttering about. Golden sunlight poured over the exquisite garden whereas the forest was immersed in inky black darkness.  
  
Homer stepped up.  
  
"Hmm." He looked to the left.  
  
"Hmm." He looked to the right.  
  
Bart and Hoggle sat down on the road.  
  
"Might as well rest our legs. This could take a while."  
  
Bart muttered under his breath while Homer continued to look from left to right and back again.  
  
*~*~*  
  
TBC.  
  
1. Have you noticed that Milhouse has the tendency to have strange things happening to him? Remember the episode when Homer was late in picking up Bart from football practice, and Bart sends him a telepathic message. Which gets picked up by Milhouse and he is seen writing "Pick Up Bart" on his wall, backwards. ^_^ Well, I couldn't help myself, and had to torture him here.  
  
2. Remember the move "Emperor's new groove"? When Yzma thinks she had poisoned Kuzco and he was dead. He then wakes up and says "O.K what did I miss?" I just loved that scene so much, I had to put it up ^_^  
  
O.K another chapter done. Thanks so much to the people who are reading and reviewing this. Oh, and coming up next is more creature torture!! Muahahahahaaaaa *evil laughter*. See you next time ^_^ 


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"...and that was how Lisa and I proved that Krusty the Clown was innocent."  
  
Hoggle nodded his head at the end of the story.  
  
"Hmm, yeah, I see."  
  
Hoggle and Bart were both seated on the same spot, telling each other stories of their past. Homer was still musing over which way to go, muttering to himself.  
  
Up in the castle, all the goblins had abandoned whatever they were doing and were staring at the bumbling idiot through Jareth's crystal.  
  
Jareth's hand was covering his eyes and he was shaking his head.  
  
:Back to Homer:  
  
"Hmm, if I were to go through the beautiful garden, where is the catch? But then again, the forest is to dark and dreary. And nothing good ever happens to me when I go into dark and dreary places." At this point Homer whimpered, thinking over his experiences with dark and dreary places. "All right, I've made my decision." He slammed a fist in his left hand and turned around. "Come on boy, we're going through here."  
  
Both Hoggle and Bart stood up, with Bart rolling his eyes.  
  
"Wow Dad. Only half hour. You new record."  
  
"Hmm." Homer growled down at him.  
  
All three of them made their way down the lush green path.  
  
Everyone up at the castle had huge smiles on their disfigured faces. Unbeknownst to the rescuing party, the big beautiful garden was just a distraction. It they were to go down that way, it would take them twice as longer then if they were to go through the forest.  
  
They were about to enter the greener and denser part of the garden when suddenly Homer stopped. He picked up his head and sniffed loudly. He turned his head this way and that and sniffed some more.  
  
"Dad?" Bart called out to him carefully as Homer's eyes lit up.  
  
"Oh My God! I smell beer!" Homer yelled out in a high voice. He sniffed the air some more. "And it's coming from that direction." He pointed at the dark forest.  
  
"But Homer, don't you think it's safe if we were to go this way." Hoggle spoke up. "There are many dark and wild creatures that dwell in that forest."  
  
Homer's upper lip pulled back in a snarl.  
  
"Nobody and I mean nobody is going to stand between Homer Simpson and his beer. Come on boy."  
  
He growled in a low tone and grabbed Bart by the scruff of his neck.  
  
"Ack!"  
  
Hoggle was left standing there with a wide-eyed expression. Suddenly he too was grabbed by his collar and was being pulled away alongside Bart.  
  
"You too dwarf-man. If nothing else, we can throw you to one of these creature and make our escape."  
  
Bart rolled his eyes.  
  
"Homer, let us go. We can walk."  
  
Bart pulled on his shirt.  
  
"Oh no. I'm not letting you go until we're waaaaay inside that jungle. When you wouldn't be able to make an escape." He dragged them on behind him.  
  
"Eh, well." Bart shrugged and allowed Homer to pull him along into the dark forest and quite possibly bringing them to a horrible, brutal death.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Oh. Why couldn't that idiot keep on going over there?"  
  
A nasty looking goblin asked him companion.  
  
"I 'ope they get eaten alive. Tha'll be fun to watch."  
  
"Yeah. Yeah." Was the intelligent reply from other goblins.  
  
Jareth looked down at the peacefully sleeping Maggie in his arms.  
  
"Won't be long now, little one. Won't be long at all."  
  
He softly whispered to her, and Maggie gave a small smile in her sleep.  
  
*~*~*  
  
The whole dark forest seemed to be alive around them. Like at the beginning of their journey, they found a fine layer of liquid glitter spread over the trees and rocks and even the very ground they walked on. They could hear indistinct noises of snarling animals, cooing of different birds, and from time to time there were rustles in the dried up bushes right next to where they were walking.  
  
Bart and Hoggle were quietly following Homer, who had his hands folded in front of his chest and was whimpering softly.  
  
"Oh dear Jeebus, if you can hear me. Please let me get out of this mess alive. I promise I'll try harder to stay awake in church fro now on. No matter how boring what's his name is." He gave a loud yelp as he heard wild rustling in the bunch of bushes right next to him.  
  
"O.K O.K I promise. No more beer from now on, either."  
  
"Umm, Homer." Bart piped up from behind. "Isn't beer the sole reason we're heading down this God forsaken place?"  
  
Homer scowled at him.  
  
"Shut up boy. I think he might be buying it."  
  
Bart placed a hand over his eyes and groaned loudly.  
  
"We are so dead."  
  
He said to his short companion, who in turn, nodded his head in agreement. By now, they had entered much darker part of the forest, and hardly any light was coming through the thick overgrown trees. A little bit ahead of them they heard a sound that sounded like painful moans. Plenty of evil cackles were blending along with that noise. The three of them walked up quickly to see what it was, and how they could avoid it. A very strange sight greeted them.  
  
There was a large bear-like creature with long dark red hair, tied to a thick tree. Although the beast looked fierce in nature, his eyes told a totally different story. They were hooded and full of saddened tears. A group of tiny, nasty looking goblin-like creatures with tall sticks, which had small snapping heads on the end, were poking the poor creature. On the side, was a small fox-like creature, dressed as a medieval knight, perched atop a fluffy white dog. He had a tiny sword out and was trying to reach the big, red teddy bear. He was being held back by the goblins with the same snapping sticks as the rest of them.  
  
"Unhand him you vile, filthy creatures." The fox-like creature was screaming out to them. "Thou do not fight fair. I could take you all in a fair sword fight, with nothing but my sword and my noble steed."  
  
The goblins laughed nastily and poked the poor thing some more. Every time the beast howled with pain, they all cackled evilly.  
  
"Lude. Dear brother. I beg of you. Hold on as long as you can. I shall dispose of these urchins for you shortly."  
  
The fox-like creature waved his sword around some more.  
  
"Shouldn't we be helping them." Hoggle whispered to Bart. They were observing the events from behind the security of thick over-grown bushes.  
  
"Yeah." Bart replied eagerly. "That little guy looks totally cool. It'd be a shame not to help them. You in Homer?" He asked looking up at his father.  
  
Homer was already supporting a rather large and pointy rock in his hands.  
  
"Of course I'm in boy. You know how I'm all about humanity and helping out your fellow men." He said, hefting the rock in his hand. "Now. I'm pretty sure I can take out that hairy beast with this one rock."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Dad. Stop!"  
  
Bart and Hoggle both yelled out before Homer could launch his attack.  
  
"O.K let's try this again." Bart said solemnly. "You see Homer. That big guy tied to the rock and that thing on the dog are the good guys. We want to help them, not hurt them you understand?"  
  
"Ohhh, I get it." Homer nodded his head. He then looked at the rock in his hand. "Oh well, violence is violence."  
  
All three of them started an all out attack with rocks, stones and sticks. Whatever they could get their hands on, they hefted it in the goblins direction. The goblins, not being the smartest thing in the underground, got confused when they were attacked by an unseen enemy. They tried to fight off the larger of the stones, but it was to no avail. Soon, they dispersed and ran off in different directions.  
  
When the coast was finally clear, Homer, Bart and Hoggle stepped out in the clearing. The small fox-like creature was untying the big guy from the tree. Hoggle immediately went over to greet his old friends.  
  
"Hey there Didymus. Hey Ludo. How have you guys been?"  
  
Didymus turned towards him with a flourish of his sword.  
  
"Sir Hoggle." He greeted enthusiastically. "I know thou wouldst come to our rescue. My brother and I thank you very humbly for you are the most bravest among men."  
  
Bart looked at the little guy amazedly, whereas Homer was rubbing his pinky in his ear.  
  
"Blah blah blah. Damn that guy talks too much." Homer muttered.  
  
Sir Didymus turned towards the two new faces he had never seen before.  
  
"And who are your two new comrades, Sir Hoggle?"  
  
"Uh Yeah. Didymus. These guys are Bart and Homer Simpson. They're here to get back the kid that they wished away." He then turned towards the two. "And guys, this is Sir Didymus."  
  
Sir Didymus took off his hat and bowed.  
  
"Hoggle. Fwiend."  
  
Suddenly Hoggle was smothered in lots of red fur, as the fierce-looking yet lovable creature known as Ludo grabbed him in a hug.  
  
"Ugh Ludo. Put me down." Hoggle groaned from somewhere in there. He soon emerged as Ludo placed him back on the ground.  
  
"Ludo. These guys help me in saving you. This is Homer and this is Bart."  
  
Ludo looked down at them.  
  
"Homeh. Barrr." He said in his usual guttural tone.  
  
"Oh ho ho cool." Bart exclaimed. "Pick me up man, pick me up."  
  
He held his arms out to the fluff ball. Ludo looked around for a second and shrugged his enormous shoulders. He then bent over towards him and Bart climbed on. Holding onto him by the hair, Bart swung his legs over his neck and clung on.  
  
"Well then, it's decided." Sir Didymus said turning towards Hoggle. "My brother and I shall accompany you on this noble quest of retrieving the babe from the clutches of the Goblin King. Come, my noble steed. Hyah."  
  
With a roar like a war-cry, Sir Didymus headed of the group. With him in the lead, Hoggle and Homer followed his trail, with Bart riding on Ludo's shoulder bringing up the rear. They all made their way deeper into the forest.  
  
*~*~*  
  
They had been walking for a while now. When all of a sudden, they heard loud laughing and singing coming from up ahead. The sound of raucous laughter caused Hoggle to groan out loud and cover his eyes.  
  
"Oh no. The fireys." He moaned painfully.  
  
Sir Didymus stopped in his tracks and turned around.  
  
"Fireys? Sir Hoggle, of what speaketh thou?"  
  
"Yeah. What the hell are fireys? They sound dangerous." Homer exclaimed out loud.  
  
"Something you don't want to encounter, trus' me. They're not dangerous but they do have a very strange sense of humor."  
  
"Really." Bart's eyes lit up. "Strange sense of humor is my specialty. Let's go check them out." He was still seated a top Ludo, who was only too happy to carry him.  
  
They walked up ahead and soon came upon a clearing in the forest, which was a bit less denser then the rest. Lots of creatures, which looked like bright orange and yellow stuffed animals, were dancing around a large bonfire that they had built. They were bouncing a large, furry football from one to another. Upon closer inspection, they found that it wasn't an inanimate object, but rather one of the creature's head. Not only the heads were flying around the place, other limbs were also shot up in the air from time to time.  
  
"Ohhh cool. I wish I had a camera. Milhouse is never going to believe this."  
  
They were all hidden behind a large tree, and the dense forest cast dark shadows all around them.  
  
"Oh look!" Homer yelled out all of a sudden. "They're cooking something over there. Let's go and have a taste."  
  
Homer started running towards the bonfire, where the fireys had in fact, tied a scraggly looking animal over a spit.  
  
"Hey Dad." Bart, who had jumped off of Ludo's shoulders, ran alongside Homer. "Doesn't that animal look familiar to you?" He squinted up his eyes.  
  
"Hmm? What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Come on, Dad. Look closer. I think it's, no I'm sure, it's grampa." Bart screamed out.  
  
"Cut the crap boy. That couldn't possibly be grampa. I mean smell that heavenly aroma coming from there. Hey, wait a minute." Homer sniffed the air. "Slowly cooking meat ..... sniff sniff ...... vicks vapor rub ....... sniff sniff ..... week old cabbage, oh my God, Dad!!"  
  
Homer and Bart ran towards the bonfire. Because of their screams, they had attracted the attention of the fireys.  
  
"Oh look boys, we've got company."  
  
A floating head said, coming in the view right in front of Homer.  
  
"You guys want to play with us. Come on, take your head off. It's big and round. It'll make a nice big bounce."  
  
Another firey came up behind Homer and grabbed him by the ears, trying to twist his head off.  
  
"You leave my big round head alone. Yaarrgghhhh!!"  
  
Homer screamed out in rage. He shot out blindly with his fists and started kicking in the air blindly. Very soon all around him, there were flying bits of heads and arms and legs, as Homer continued to punch, jab and kick his way through.  
  
Because Homer was keeping all the fireys busy, Bart, Hoggle and Sir Didymus got Grampa down with Ludo's help. By now, Homer was getting tired of kicking and hitting around. No matter how many limbs he made fly, more were there to take the place. It looked like Homer would collapse very soon, if they didn't put a stop to it.  
  
"Hey fireys." Hoggle shout out all of a sudden. "I just saw the old man with the talking hat going that way." Hoggle pointed to the direction they had just came from.  
  
All of a sudden, all the fireys put themselves back together and ran towards the appointed direction. They were cackling madly and screaming to each other.  
  
"Yeah. Let's go see the old man. Maybe this time, he'll let us play with his hat." They said, between hysterical laughter.  
  
"Yeah. And if not, then we'll take it off his head and make him chase us."  
  
"Yeah, that'll be fun."  
  
Very soon, every last sign of the crazed creature called a firey, was gone from the sight. Homer walked up to Grampa.  
  
"Hey Dad, are you o.k.?"  
  
"You idiot." Grampa yelled in his face. "Why the hell did you morons wake me up? I was having such a nice dream. I was lying down on the beach. The old nurse from the nursing home was putting lotion on my back."  
  
At this point, Homer and Bart, whom had actually seen the aforementioned nurse, cringed horribly.  
  
"But for some reason, it was incredibly hot. And then I was rudely awoken by a dwarf, these dogs and this thing." Grampa finished his tale.  
  
"Grampa!" said Bart. "You were being roasted alive here. Dad and I rescued you with the help of our new friends."  
  
Grampa looked at the strange party carefully. Hoggle weakly waved his hand, Sir Didymus took off his hat and gave a bow and Ludo just stood there.  
  
"Gra'pa."  
  
Grampa walked up to Ludo.  
  
"You remind of my last girlfriend. Except you have less hair then her." (1)  
  
"O.K people, can we get a move on." Homer said impatiently.  
  
"We have still yet to finish our journey and find that beer."  
  
"Maggie." Bart corrected from the side.  
  
"Yes. I meant Maggie."  
  
Joined now by another person, the odd group started making their way further into the forest in the direction of the castle. The high walls of the castle were slightly getting larger in size as they came closer.  
  
The area they were getting through now was a bit less dense than the forest. They all knew that they were getting closer to their destination because the trees were getting smaller, and were slowly thinning out. Grampa was walking next to Sir Didymus.  
  
"You know, this is not really new to me. I'm used to going on quests and rescuing people." He was telling a very attentive Sir Didymus. "Back in 1929, I had to walk twenty miles in the snow, bare feet, to get food and beer for my family, when we were stuck in a storm for days. We didn't even have snow mobiles back then. These young'uns are getting too much into new technology and forgetting about the true nature of wilderness and adventure. I say we destroy all the new machines. We can't let them rule our lives."  
  
At this point, Grampa's watch beeped loudly, and a mechanical voice came forth.  
  
"Time to take you medicine, Abe Simpson."  
  
"Oh, it's that time already."  
  
Grampa pressed a button on his digital watch. A neat stack of four bottles of pill materialized on top. The lids flipped open, and one by one, four pills shot themselves in his mouth. After that, a little nozzle came out from the side of the watch, and squirted water into Grampa's mouth. He swallowed his pills, and wiped his mouth. He then pressed another button, and the nozzle and the bottles disappeared back in the watch. (2)  
  
"So, what was I saying? Oh yeah, technology is evil. Evil!!!"  
  
"Thou art a noble man, Sir Grampa." Didymus said humbly.  
  
"Yeah, I know. Let me tell you about the time ...."  
  
The rest of his sentence was interrupted as Bart, Hoggle and Ludo cried out loudly and covered their noses.  
  
"Eeewww! What the hell is that?" Bart cried out.  
  
"Oh no. I was hoping we could avoid that." Hoggle said from behind his covered mouth. "It's the bog of eternal stench. If only one drop was to get on you, you would smell bad for the rest of your life. No matter how many times you were to bathe, the stench would never leave."  
  
As Hoggle explained, the group walked up to the source of the smell. It looked like a large swamp, with thick fog covering the entire surface of the murky water. From time to time, large pops were heard as bubbles of water erupted on top.  
  
"Smell. Bad." Ludo wailed loudly.  
  
"Hmm, this bog smells more like my gym locker room." Bart said, when he took some experimental sniffs.  
  
Homer stepped up and inhaled deeply.  
  
"Ohh, that's why I thought I smelled beer. This place smells like Moe's Tavern. Ohhh, and I had my hopes up and everything." Homer was near tears at the loss of the beer.  
  
"Smell. Bad." Ludo cried out again.  
  
"Ludo is right, we shall get going. Fast." Said Hoggle.  
  
They all walked to the side of the bog, and soon stepped out into a clearing. Nearly half the party took deep breaths of cleaner, fresher air, with the exception of Sir Didymus and Grampa.  
  
"Did thou smell anything back at that bog, Sir Grampa?" Sir Didymus inquired of the old man.  
  
"Hell no, I didn't. Don't know what those guys were complaining about." Said Grampa.  
  
"Well FINALLY!!"  
  
Homer cried out, all of a sudden. They all looked up at the sound and found themselves standing right in front of the high walls of the large stone castles. Upon taking the trail through the dark forest, they had arrived, in lesser time, at the back of the grand castle. There was a small wooden door to the side, so the whole group made their way over, and stepped through.  
  
*~*~*  
  
TBC.  
  
*~*~*  
  
At the back of the castle, which is now abandoned since everyone is gone inside, appears Comic Book Guy. He's wearing his usual blue shorts, and a T- Shirt that says "Worst Crossover Ever".  
  
"O.K folks, this whole thing made no sense whatsoever." He says in his usual sarcastic tone. "Well, the writing is totally off. The author rushed through the whole thing, whereas she could have made it longer. And plus it totally sucks for the there are no guest appearances by Wonder Woman, Xena, or She-Hulk."  
  
There is a loud whooshing sound, as if a very heavy object is free falling from the sky.  
  
"..... and also she could have added some more action sequences. Not to mention.......*plop*"  
  
The Comic Book Guy is squished under an overly-large, purple bunny with saber-tooth tiger teeth, frothing at the mouth. The bunny gets off the splattered fat guy, and proceeds to stomp on him for some good measure. It then says in an overly sugary voice.  
  
"Don't forget to leave a review."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Listen to the bunny guys ^_^. Well, anyway, how did you like the chapter? As you can probably tell, the next chappie is going to be the last one. Time to bring this baby to a stop. I want to thank each and every one of you guys for sticking with me for this long. I've had a blast writing this up, thank you for leaving such great words of encouragement. (Maybe I should leave the speech for the last chapter ^_~). That will be put up much faster, maybe within the next two weeks. If I get it done -_- Until then, bye ^_^ Oh wait, explaining the numbers.  
  
1. That's the line taken from "Little Nicky", when his Grandfather compliments the hairy, gorilla-like thing.  
  
2. I made that one up on the spot, hope you likey ^_^ 


	9. Finale

Finale.

Now that they had finally entered the castle, they started to make their way towards the throne room to confront Jareth. Homer walked down the darkened and long hallways of the castle, everyone else following behind keeping in close so as not to get lost. From time to time, they would hear something just ahead of them, scratching on the wall, ragged breathing, and sometimes the sounds of approaching footsteps.

"Oh dear God, when is this going to be over?" Homer whispered.

"T'is the last stage." Hoggle reassured. "All's you got to do now is find the throne room, and from there, well ye'll know what to do."

Homer nodded his head and walked further along. Pretty soon the darkness was giving way to light. After the many twists and turns, they finally made it to the entrance of the throne room. Unlike last time, when Hoggle and the rest had came here with Sarah, the throne room was not abandoned. It was filled with rowdy goblins. Sounds of loud yells and raucous laughter could be heard coming from the other side.

"Oh no." Hoggle covered his face. "That room is supposed to be empty. Thems not supposed to be in there."

"So what do we do?" Bart asked in a low whisper.

"Well, firstly we have to check how many goblins there are." Hoggle looked from Homer to Bart.

"All right boy. Stick you head in there and find out."

"Whaâ€.? Me? Why do I have to do it?"

"Because I'm your father. And as such I can make you do whatever I want. So nyaaaahhhh."

Homer stuck his tongue out at Bart.

Hoggle, Ludo and Sir Didymus looked with widened eyes, towards Homer and Bart, as if trying to determine which one of them was more mature. Bart was shaking his head.

"Father of the year, ladies and gentlemen." He sighed deeply. "Fine. I'll go check. You'll probably screw it up anyway."

Bart walked stealthily over to the big wooden door. He stood flat against the wall, right next to the opening in the doorway. He looked from left to right, then placed his hand on the big brass doorknob. He turned it just so it wouldn't make a single sound and opened the door a fraction. He peeked in through the tiny opening and pulled back. He then placed his hand at the edge of the door and opened it further. When it was opened enough, Bart stuck his head inside and took a quick assessment. He pulled away and closed the door. He walked back to his group, who had once again gone wide eyed at his display.

"All right folks, we're looking to be dealing with about twenty ugly midget dudes. Five of them are chasing some chickens, two of them are fighting and three of them lying under a barrel drinking beer. And the rest are just lounging about. Oh and by the way, didn't see no sign of the has-been rock star wannabe Jareth dude."

"Wow Bart. We could have used your skills back in my days." Grampa said. "Where did you learn how to do that?"

Bart laughed.

"Oh Grampa, don't make me blush. I have lost the number of times I've broken into Flanders to get things."

"What? You've been breaking into our neighbor's house? I'm appalled." Homer cried out angrily.

"You made me do it half the time, Homer."

"Why you little"

Homer was promptly chasing Bart, trying to get his hand to wrap around his neck.

"Leave him alone you idiot. We still have to get Maggie back." Grampa said in an irritated tone.

"O.K we are going to need a distraction." Said Hoggle. "We have to get the goblins away from there."

The group looked around each other, nobody volunteering for the job.

"All right, I'll do it." Said Grampa. "I used to do it all the time back in the time of the war. I'll lure the enemy away with my sexy prostitute bit, and you guys will have a clear path in no time at all."

Everyone had a mental image of Grampa in a skimpy, leather outfit, with plenty of glossy makeup, trying to pose sexily. They all cringed horribly and shuddered.

"Does anybody have any other ideas?" Homer asked frantically before his father actually decided to go through with his plan.

"Well. I say that I shall challenge them all to a duel and "

"Next."

Homer said interrupting Sir Didymus, whose small fox-like mouth dropped open.

"Cram it Homer." Bart dismissed his father. "Go ahead dude. What were you going to say?"

Didymus picked up his jaw from the floor.

"As I was saying. I shall have them follow me outside, where my brother Ludo will bury them with his rock friends. What say you?"

"Sounds like a plan." Bart nodded his head.

"That will work." Hoggle too gave his assent.

"I say my plan was better, but lets do it the fox's way." Said Grampa.

"All right then." Didymus straddled his horse/dog and took out his tiny sword. Along with Hoggle and Grampa, Didymus went for the large door, whereas Ludo made for the exit. Homer and Bart hid behind a large statue and got ready to run inside once the place cleared out.

The heavy wooden doors opened with a loud smack. All the goblins, who were lunging and horsing around, got startled and looked at the intruder. A look of pure confusion came upon their ugly distorted faces as they saw who it was standing there. Instead of a large dark knight, which the loud entrance had promised, they were met with a tiny fox-like creature who was sitting on top of what appeared to be a shaggy dog.

They continued to look for a few more seconds, and then they went back to whatever they were doing before the interruption.

When he received no response from them, Sir Didymus spluttered indignantly. He brandished his sword.

"Come on you foul creatures. I, Sir Didymus, challenge you to a duel. We shall fight until the fates declare one of us champion."

Two goblins yawned, and one goblin rubbed a finger in his ear and then looked at the residue collected at his finger. Sir Didymus' sword wilted as he looked at them in disbelied.

"Move over Didymus. You got to speak their language." Hoggle said coming in from the side.

"Hey, hey you ugly stupid-heads." Hoggle yelled out and a few goblins turned their heads in his direction. "Yeah I'm talking ta ya, ya stinky, filthy, sorry excuse of goblins. Ye think ye're so hot just cuz you stay with Jareth. Well ye're nothing but cowards, hanging on to Jareth's shorts."

He had all of their attention now. Every goblin was looking at both Hoggle and Didymus with menacing glares, and a few of them were even snarling.

"Hey what's the hold up?" Grampa came from the other side. "Shouldn't you guys be running by now, being chased by those ....whoa....hello!" Grampa cringed when he saw the goblins, about ready to strike.

"Euugh. These are the goblins. I have crapped better looking things than that. Just ask the nurse who changes my diaper."

That seemed to have been the last straw. With a loud roar, all the goblins went after the three people standing in the doorway. Hoggle, Grampa and Didymus started running like the wind. They ran past the giant statue, which was hiding Homer and Bart, and out through the front door. All the goblins gave chase blindly, and as soon as they were out in the open, they were pelted down by large rocks, courtesy of one Ludo.

"Come on boy, the coast is clear. Lets go get Maggie."

"Amen to that Homer."

Both of them went into the throne room and found it empty. Homer caught a flash of red by the throne and went over for a closer look. He picked up the object which turned out to be Maggie's pacifier.

"Oh Maggie. My dear sweet baby. Where are you?" he wailed.

"Hey Dad. Check this out."

Bart called to his father. He was standing in front of a door, leading from the throne room.

"I think I hear Maggie's voice coming from there."

Homer went closer. As he came upon the door, he heard loud, youthful chuckles coming from the other side.

"Maggie." Homer screamed with joy. "Don't worry baby, Daddy's coming."

Homer extended his arms and ran blindly to the door, with Bart in tow. The moment those two entered the room, their whole equilibrium, was thrown off course.

Inside the spacious room, were layers upon layers of staircases. And not just any staircases, these ran sideways, underways, upside down, vertically and horizontally. Homer clutched at his head as he took in the whole scene.

"Oh my God, so confusing. Feels like â€.. head is gonna explode."

"Hey Dad." Homer looked up and saw that Bart was standing upside down on a staircase, a few feet above the doorway.

"Bart! Get down here. You're gonna fall."

"Actually Home boy, I'm standing right side up. You're the one who's gonna fall."

True to his words, like a force of increased gravity, Homer plummeted up to the staircase Bart was standing on.

"D'oh! Why you littleâ€. You did that on purpose."

Homer was thoroughly choking Bart when they heard soft giggles again. Letting go of his neck, they both peered down the edge. About five staircases down from them, Maggie was sitting on the edge of a stair, with her feet dangling out at the bottom. She was thoroughly kicking her legs out and emitting cooing noises.

"Maaaagieeee!!! NOOOOO!!" Homer yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Maggie! Stop!" Bart yelled, who was immediately worried for his sister's sake.

"Dad, you go this way and I'll go that way."

Bart first pointed to his right, then to his left. They both took off immediately in the opposite direction. They ran up and down the stairs. When they finally made it to the staircase where Maggie was perched, to their intense horror Maggie was gone. She was now crawling up a staircase upside down on top of them.

"Maggie!" Bart wailed.

They both ran towards her again, but when they made it there, she had disappeared again. They looked down and found Maggie to se sitting at the bottom-most staircase clapping her hands and laughing at something below her. To Homer and Bart's horror, she got up and walked right over the edge into the deep, bottomless drop below.

"Nooooo!!!!" Homer cried out.

"Dad, I'm jumping."

Bart said hurriedly, and stood over the edge. He sent a silent prayer to the God, and pushed off. To his amazement, instead of free-falling which he was bracing himself for, he found himself floating towards the bottom. There were soft clouds floating all around his face as he looked around with fascination. A few moments later his feet softly touched the ground. He looked around and saw the goblin king standing right in front of him with Maggie held in his arms. She was playing with his long hair that were in her reach, and Jareth was smiling softly down at her.

Bart walked up to him and opened his mouth to speak. When a loud whistling sound came from above, he halted and both he and Jareth looked up. They both immediately took a step backwards, and Homer fell right in the middle of the two of them. His arms and legs were spread out, and he had fallen straight on his stomach. A second later, he stood up and rubbed his head. He then took notice of Jareth.

"Give me back my baby, you monster."

'The Monster' was making soft baby noises to Maggie and tickling her with his finger. Maggie was laughing while trying to bat the finger away.

"Fine fine. You made it here. But first you have to say the words." Jareth said airily, waving his hand in the air.

"What words?" asked Bart.

"Why, my dear Bart. The words that the hero of the story has to say to the vile villain in order to get their babe back."

"O.K Bart. Say whatever it is he wants to hear, so we can take Maggie and blow this joint."

Bart chuckled nervously.

"Uhâ€.wellâ€..you seeâ€.the thing is. I didn't read the story all the way to the end, so I don't exactly know the words I have to say."

"What? Why you little"

Homer was upon Bart before he could blink. As Bart was being strangled, Maggie smiled widely and held her arms out to her father. Apparently she recognized the scene, since it happened at least twice a day.

Homer saw Maggie reach out for him and his eyes misted over.

"Oh Maggie. You really do love me." He said in a loving voice, while still throttling Bart.

"As soon as I finish here," he looked at Bart. "I'll figure out a way to take you away from him."

A frantic tug at his sleeve made Homer look down. Bart was gesturing wildly with his hands.

"What?!"

Homer let go. Bart was gasping and rubbing at his neck.

"Geez homer. You need to go to an anger management class. That one nearly took me out."

"I don't need any classes. I'm never going back there. No force in this world is going to make me go. No you, not your mother, not even the city hall, who ordered the classes in the first place."

Homer folded his arms over his chest.

"Ummâ€..hello." Jareth waved his hands in their faces. "Yeah, sorry to interrupt, but you have only five minutes left before your time is up."

He had been listening to them patiently, and amazed how they can hold an argument even in situations like these.

"Oohhh. Five minutes left. What are we going to do? What are we going to do?" Homer shook his hands, and danced from one foot to another.

"Chill Dad. As I was trying to say." Bart spoke up. "I may not know the words but I know how to find out."

He reached into his back pocket and retrieved a red leather bound book. He spun it on his index finger like a basketball, and then flipped it open to the last page.

"Now, let's see what it says here."

Bart's eyes were quickly scanning the page.

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered,"

Jareth's eyes widened at the familiar words.

"Stop!" He held up a hand. "Before you read any further. Look, look at what I'm offering you."

Jareth conjured a crystal out of thin air and held it out in front of him.

"Here. This will fulfill every wish, desire or dream that you could possibly have. Take this in exchange for Maggie, and make your dreams come true."

Both Homer and Bart's eyes were glazed over as they looked into the bright, silvery orb. A soft whimper form Maggie snapped both of them out of their stupor. Bart shook his head and looked at the book.

"I have traveled my way here to your castle, beyond the goblin city, to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great."

Bart read out loud and looked up at Jareth, who was still holding out the crystal in front of him.

"You have no power over me."

Immediately there were sounds of a big grandfather clock, echoing everywhere. There was a rip in the space next to them and through there, Homer and Bart could easily see their living room.

"Well gentlemen. You have won."

Jareth said with a small smile. He then looked down at Maggie and his eyes softened.

"Good bye Maggie. It was a pleasure having you here."

Maggie gave a loud coo and hugged Jareth around the neck. She then turned towards her father and held out her arms. Homer took her in his grasp and immediately went through the portal. Bart looked around the place.

"Give my regards to Hoggle, Sir Didymus and Ludo. Catch you later man."

Bart said and also stepped through.

Jareth shook his head. This had been quiet an adventure. The portal was slowly closing up. Before it could close all the way and sever the connection between the two worlds, and arm shot out and grabbed the crystal from his hand.

"Yoink!"

Homer's voice was heard before the rip closed up entirely, leaving Jareth empty-handed and with his mouth dropped open.

* * *

"Well boy. We finally made it home."

Homer said sitting on the couch and popping open a beer can. He took a long, blissful gulp. Bart was laid on his stomach in front of the t.v. screen and watching Krusty the Klown show.

"Now remember, not a word of all this to your mother. Got it. She cannot know, under any circumstances, how we got into trouble and almost lost Maggie."

"Got it Dad."

Bart said absent-mindedly. Just then the front door opened and Lisa and Marge's voices came through.

"Hello boys. We're home." Lisa said with a smile as she walked in to the living room.

Marge took a peek in the living room, giving them a once over and then retreated to the stairs.

"I'm going to check on Maggie."

Homer gave a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah. You do that honey. She's sleeping in her crib. Just like she has been all day. And she didn't go anywhere out of this house to another dimension for a single second. That's right."

Bart groaned and rubbed a hand over his eyes, when Homer continuously winked at him. Marge gave a suspicious 'Hmmm' and walked up the stairs.

"So Lis, how'd you do at the science fair?" asked Bart.

"Ta Dah!"

She proudly held out her trophy and the medal around her neck, indicating second place.

"Wow, second place. That's neat. So who came in first? Don't tell me it was Martin."

Lisa shook her head.

"Surprisingly, it was Ralph Wiggum who came in first. But who cares. This competition was not about winning or losing, it was about expanding your scientific intellect and share your ideas and brainstorms with our science loving community."

"Uh huh. Yeah right." Bart nodded his head.

"Lisa honey, are you still mad at Daddy?"

Homer asked Lisa as she sat down on the couch.

"No Dad. I'm not mad at you. I actually was never really all that mad. Just a little disappointed that you always neglect to pay attention to things that I say. Sometimes it feels as though you don't really love me, and just tolerate my presence."

Lisa said with her head bent over, in an extremely sad voice. Homer wrapped her in an affectionate hug.

"Oh honey, that's not true. I love you so very much. You are my pride and joy. Do you have any idea how much I blab at work about being the father of the smartest girl in Springfield? Just ask Lenny and Carl. And would I get something like this for you if I didn't love you."

He reached for the side table, pulled out a round object and waved it in front of Lisa's face.

"Oh My God, Dad. This is beautiful."

Lisa held onto the crystal, where an indefinite number of colors were swirling around making different shapes. The crystal ball felt warm in her hands, and she felt hypnotized by the dazzling light it was emitting.

"Dad, this is the most wonderful gift you ever got for me. I love you I love you I love you so much." She said giving him a tight hug around the neck.

"This must have cost you a fortune."

Homer chuckled lightly.

"Oh honey. Nothing is too expensive for my little princess. Lets just say it was a 'steal'."

"Oh Dad. You have just made my great day into a wonderful day. I'm going to go and put it in my room."

Lisa ran up the stairs.

"Well Dad. That was quite an adventure we've had today." Said Bart. "But, you know what, I can't help but feel that we've forgotten something."

"Oh Bart, what could we have possibly forget. Maggie is back home. Marge doesn't suspect a thing. Lisa is happy and loves me. I'd say life is pretty good right now."

"Yeah. You're probably right."

Bart turned back towards his tv show and lost himself watching his idol. All thoughts of Labyrinth far from his mind.

* * *

Even further away, in another dimension, a regal looking man was sitting on his throne, clutching the long tendrils of his hair in a tight grasp. His head was bent and his eyes were screwed shut. All the goblins that were in that place were huddled in far corners of the vast room, looking terrified towards the throne.

"So anyway, that guy Jasper thinks he's hot stuff around the Retirement castle, because his daughter sent her nanny with his birthday gift. Apparently his family remembered his birthday. But that guy isn't all that. He's got a wooden leg, and he takes nearly twice as much medicines as I have to. Did I tell you about the time I fell in love with this really hot old chick named Beatrice. Her wrinkly skin was so beautiful and the sight of her eating the mush they served us always put a flutter in my heart. Actually that happened so often that at one time I had to be taken to the emergency room. Anyway"

Grampa was sitting right next to Jareth on top of a chair, and telling him whatever came to his mind. Jareth's clutches on his hair were getting tighter and tighter, and his knuckles had turned white.

"Then there was this time that everyone thought I had shot Mr. Burns. But it wasn't really me, although I would've shot the old coot if I had gotten my chance. But Marge had taken away my gun, she has this crazy idea that I'm unstable. He he he he, how'd you figure that. Anywayâ€.."

"That's it!!"

Jareth roared and got up. His chair flew back into the wall with a giant thud. Jareth waved his hand and a rip opened up in the space next to him. He grabbed Grampa by his arm, hauled him up, and threw him through the rip, right into the retirement castle. Once he was through, Jareth resealed the portal, and sat back down on the uprighted chair, and took a deep breath. He looked around his goblins menacingly.

"No body will ever breath a word of this to anyone. No body will mention this event again. Do I make myself clear?"

All the goblins nodded their heads frantically, and sighed with relieved breaths as Jareth walked out of the throne room for a much needed rest.

* * *

".... and there was this little fox-like creature with a sword and a little tiny horse. Or was it a dog? Anyway then there was this little man who was wearing so much jewelry and talking in this strange accent. But anyway, I had the time of my life."

Grampa was telling Jasper, his old buddy, who was listening with rapt attention.

"And then I had to distract the goblins so Homer and Bart can go get Maggie."

"Hey Abe. Did you use that sexy prostitute routine?" Jasper interrupted.

"Nah. They wouldn't let me. Even though I told them that it works every time. Well, I'm getting tired of this. I'll tell you the rest tomorrow. I need to rest now, I'm very tired."

Grampa retreated to his room to sleep, and to dream about his grand adventure that he'd had with his children and other mystical creatures. It was a very good day for him, after all.

* * *

The End.

There you have it folks. That's the end of this chapter, and this story. Hope you all enjoyed reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will probably write more Simpsons Fics in the future, as soon as I hit a brainstorm. Anyway, thanks so very much to all you wonderful readers out there. With lots of love, bye bye from Violet Bunny


End file.
